06.09.2010. early morning, Sofia bus station

Arriving at Luton, I read Tom’s e-mail that is saying, no, do not come now, wait and come later, but if you’re here already do not feel bad and come (explains how and where). Ms Intuition (my long forgotten friend) was saying: Just go. And it was not my Do It Now – feverish friend. So I went, and it ended up to be the best decision in every possible way. Except the cranberry expensive ticket to London, but I am not sure it could have been avoided, as the next plane was 4 days later, everything fell into place perfectly. I wrote about what I did, so let me continue with that. I went to Poplar (East London) on the 3^rd, after sitting about and doing lots of stuff that was not very useful or important. I had a nice evening with Tom’s roommate and her boyfriend (Sarah and Robin). That particular day I was eating crap and felt like crap. I moaned to Tom how I am sleeping too much and eating too much and how it is the same as my life in Zagreb, and why I cannot be a bit disciplined, and I know what to do, but how and yadda yadda yadda. So Tom goes: “Just do it! That’s how I do it. Just get up earlier and do stuff. And that’s it.” And so I did. I felt such low morale leaving my group wondering how to deal with everyday life now when there is no one around to encourage and support. But why? It is me anyway. I am the person who decides to get up in the morning, weather alone or in a group. The responsibility is solely mine. So I got up. Early. Did the business (sadhana dearest), slept another half hour and started to do some serious business. I was pestering Tom to give me some work, and the lawn mowing business was really a short term kind of thing, so he said I could clean his house a bit. It was somewhat neglected due to frequent visits to the hospital and other circumstance. I cleaned the kitchen, bathroom and toilet, vacuumed and tidied the living room, and managed to just tidy Tom’s room a bit. It took me 4 hours, no stopping, to do all this. And I did it thouroughly. Never better is how I felt. Good old fashioned seva… Hahahaha. Seva is selfless service. Look it up in the average Art of Living devotee’s dictionary.   Then I went all the way from East London back to the South West (Richmond) to meet some AoL peoples. I got Johnny’s number just by calling the number stated at the U.K. YES!+ site. He was the main guitarist. Joshua (versatile and firm) was with us as well. We went to an apartment where Ram and Vita and Vikram live. Vikram, the two year old – big eyed drumming miracle. Others joined and they started planning the Kingston Carnival event (what I mentioned earlier as something green, but was a bit mistaken) while talking, singing a bit, playing with the kids, Ram cooking and then all of us sharing a meal. I was so happy to be at home. Such wonderful, open, ready-to-act people. Planning away, with joy in their voices. By the time I got to Kew, Tom was already there, listening to a Nirvana record. It felt like 14 again. But in a good way. We talked to early morning and it felt so good to enjoy the company of a beloved friend. I realized that I have to come more often, as Tom comes to Zagreb, because that is how we can both be a part of each others lives equally. I really understood how he lives now and what has changed since a few years ago.

The next morning I went to the Carnival. It was just crazy. Great vibes. We were a small group, but strong and cheerful. The parade was about an hour long and it was the best experience (need to see the pictures, it is impossible to describe). Later we had some 20 minutes on stage, doing our thing, singing and jumping, and people were first surprised but then joined in the song and the dance. 

Packed up, met Tom and left. It took ages to get to Luton, and of course I plummed something up and had to wait for another train etc. In the beginning I was stressed by all the attention!, forbidden!, no!, you will be prosecuted! for this and that, and even ‘no ball playing’ area, but in a day or two I started to feel good about the existence of a different system where amongst other things people are more polite, and open to assist. “Everything in its right place”. Arriving to Sofia airport, Balkan dearest appeared in the form of people not able to wait for the baggage to arrive and using the toilets to smoke. No paper, no soap. And no bus to take me from the airport, only taxi. 10 euro taxi. So I keep telling the pushy guy to leave me alone, because I will take the shuttle bus for 5 euros. In the end the shuttle bus does not want to take only me and I give in to the taxi driver, saying I’ve got only 10 leva (5 euros) thinking that this guy wants to rob me. He explains all about daily and night tariffs for taxis and how the bridge is closed so the trip is longer. And how I should go sleep to a hostel, because the bus stop might be closed or dangerous. He does this little fatherly caring figure thing and I feel safe and cared for. He takes me to an all night exchange office, and really does not expect me to give him more than the 10 leva that I promised, maybe 15, because that is what he was bargaining for when he realized there are no other customers. So I give him 17 leva, and he tells me where to sit in the station, and not to go anywhere else because it is not safe for a girl in the night… Lalala. But he does not know of my special skill – breathing technique – that I use to send the bad people away… Here I am, in Sofia autogara waiting for the first bus to Stara Zagora. It is 5 o’clock blg time, but my time (now the lnd time) is 3 in the morning. I am a bit tired, but the computer is keeping me awake. I am listening to the radio (Placebo was just playing), drinking tasty water and waiting. I like being here, listening to this language, being in travel sleepy, kinda hungry mode. I feel like spending money, because everything is so much cheaper that London, soooo much cheaper. But, I will stick with nice tasty water and not indulge in stuff that will just make me sleepier. Oh, BTW, I have no idea where I am going, except the fact I am going to Stara Zagora. But I will deal with that later. Happy day.

06.09.2010. Stara Zagora, bus station

Dealing with it later has arrived. I arrived as well. Called Kosi, someone in charge, so he told me to wait a bit to see what to do. Stara Zagora apparently, as a project is cancelled and I am supposed to go to Šumen. The next bus is at 17.20 in the afternoon and now it is 10 in the morning. My bag is wet because the bus seemed to have a hole somewhere and it is raining. So I sat down, after eating banica (gibanica) and a palačinka kačkaval (pancake with yellow cheese) and started to cry. I have not slept much last night and Kosi’s enthusiastic voice when I told him the bus is at 5, saying “go around, enjoy”, just killed me. I really wanted a shower and a bed. So, while I was sitting and crying I saw a sign in Bulgarian that said: Kogato ste v beda, naberete telefon 112! (If you are in distress, dial 112) It made me laugh instantly, because I am feeling bad (bed). Then I discovered an electric plug which I can use to charge my computer and my ipod, and listen to some “Leaderchicks and co.” songs. And there is a place where I can leave my bag, and go hit the town, maybe play the guitar and earn some extra cash. Or get kidnapped by gypsies and enjoy a pleasant day in the suburbs until they discover I am poor and overly cheery.

It stopped raining. My brain works very superficially, so thoughts keep coming and going, but I cannot get a hold of them. I wish someone were here to give me a hug. I’ll give myself a hug.

Where is it leading this path, we are walking on?

Does it lead us to light, we are searching for?

What is the secret of mind, we are exploring on?

Is it the infinite space, we are swimming in?

It would really be good to do some yoga now, to stretch from all the tube-train-bus-plane-

taxi-bus sitting.