30.09.2010., Varna, in the room with Julie (yes, again <3, from Taiwan, remeber? and Poli, Polina form Bulgaria)

I left Šumen, or Šumen left me. Some really strange stuff was going on the last few days, but I will recollect them on another occasion. I just want to fill you in with what has been going on in the reality of crucial material events. Haha, I am just playing with you, kiwi. Anyways, I left Šumen a bit earlier than I thought, due to unexpectable events taking place. I really miss my family, I mean my Šumen family. A lot. I talk about them every time I open my mouth. Šumen was more of a brushing of the insides, getting deeper in ourselves. Getting deeper into knowledge, more self awareness. Here it is pretty harsh work on the outside. I cannot explain, and do not want to go into details, but if you want to know, you are very welcome to ask. Lately it is hard for me to sit and write, but I would gladly talk/write a lot if one asked a question. I just came here yesterday and so much already changed, I learned many new things, experienced many new situations. Here, for now, I feel like a helper. Also someone who is a breaker of bad habits, an installer of good habits, and available for anyone who has the need. And it feels really good. I feel a little bit like a grandmother who does everything for their grandchildren. Not so cheesy as it sounds. I just feel I can be there for anyone who needs it, I feel I have the capacity. So gentle, and yet so harsh. So friendly, and yet so closed up inside (in a good way). Terribly optimistic, but yet calm. 

Thoughts flowing, whose thoughts are they now? Coming and going like passing clouds, I am sitting on the balcony in the sun, and I can see them fleeting before my eyes, I see them even when I close my eyes. And how can one put a hook on a cloud? And yet we manage to do it. Hook every passing emotion, every scurrying thought that touches our mind. We place a hook on it, and then we observe it, analyse, examine, poke and just hold on tight and not let go. A penny for your thoughts. Oh, one would have to have a fortune to have one’s every thought. And anyway, who would want to carry so much garbage about? Let your thoughts flow as they wish, do not make them hard and heavy and pull them down on your head. Let them float about and just see what happens to them. Normally, if you observe them easily, they just dissolve, dissapear. And anyway, you think they are yours? Your special property? Do you have a paper that proves that, with a signature of a witness? You be the witness, you do not need an extra one. See that it is all changing. All the time. 

Today it is Ana’s birthday. So happy birthday, where ever you are. And I hope you are well. I know you take care of your mind. Love, 

Gordana