Iceland? When and where was that?

Oh, now I remember, there is something in a corner of my mind – a land of mist, a land of magic and loneliness. Peace, quiet and craziness inside.

I sadly and happily left Iceland. I was sad to leave, but happy to arrive – to London. When I saw the green grass and trees and felt warmth of a spring breeze, felt the sun on my cheek – I cried out of gratitude, and an unmistakable feeling of familiarity and comfort. I already felt like I was home. As soon as I arrived to my destination I took off my shoes and stuck my toes in the tall grass. I was barefoot the whole day, until I could not bare the coolness of the coming night. Staying in closed premises the whole time, breathing the warmed air seemed so far away. I felt so free. But yet in Iceland I did not feel that I am supposed to get out of a trap, as long as I was there.

Zagreb.

Same old, I saw all my friends, enjoyed their new haircuts and stories I missed. I felt so calm and beautiful, very grateful for everything I saw, smelled and talked to. Technicalities: moved house – again; became friends with a beautiful dog; assisted an Art of living course for kids; went to Schwarzwald for a day; spent a few days with family and friends; went to Zadar and met a friend I have not seen for 20 years; hitch hiked.

The thing that sweeps me off my feet is how all this came to path. I have no idea. You know when people say: one thing led to another… Well, this time it did not ultimately lead to sex, but just that: one thing leads to another. I am just an observer of the life in front of me unrolling itself. I feel like on a roll. And all things are happening so fast, what usually would take a lot of planning for me, a lot of thinking, happens before I have the time to think.

I am totally letting myself fall into situations, people and places, with a spoonful of alertness and a whole lotta intuition going on.

 I have been wondering who is the doer; is it the nature supporting me? are the planets aligned? or has it always been like this but just me being unable to observe the reality of things? is it me who does something? It is probably a little bit of all.

I met this person whom I have loved as a father, a friend, an uncle, a brother… and have not been in any contact for 20 years. I was an eight-year-old again. I cried like an eight-year-old, I laughed as an eight-year-old; I felt the feelings of an eight-year-old. It was such a trip to the past, and an overwhelming gratitude for the care given, for the knowledge received of how the little Gordana-person radiated then, and compares to her now; almost the same: the same strength, the same zest, the same eyes, the same naturalness and freedom and also the same inability to understand fully certain situations and life itself. The same little person grew up to be the same 6-foot-tall woman with the same wish to be hugged, to be loved, to be cared for. The same desire then is the same now. Isn’t it for all of us?

I am grateful for this experience, and for the big hearts in this world, that seem somehow hard to find, but are usually just right in front of our noses.

Think of a person that cared for you at any given time in your life, and give this person your gratitude, your very presence and nice words will be more than enough. You know the one – I can only keep joy if I share joy. Drop the “I” and just share joy, share love, share gratitude, and feel the fullness.