Neću govoriti puno o tome što je Navaratri, osim da je festival koji se odvija u vrijeme ljetnog i zimskog solsticija, zimski se ovdje smatra važnijim. Predstavlja slavljenje principa božanske majke kao izvora stvaranja čitave ove kreacije. Naša maha devi, velika majka. Nava znači devet, a ratri su noći. Toliko dugo festival traje, broj devet kao simbol dužine boravka djeteta u utrobi majke.

Postoje različiti aspekti slavlja, ali svodi se na to da se generira jedna ogromna količina energije, a postojeća se transformira. Sve je naizgled kao i svaki dan, osim produženih boravaka s Gurujijem i panditima (koji pjevaju mantre). Da, naizgled. Naizgled izgleda kao niz ceremonija, puno pjevanja i meditiranja. Ali nešto se tu drugo događa u pozadini. Kažu da ti je prvi Navaratri kao uvod. Prvi put se sve prelomi. Kao i prvi osnovni ili prvi napredni tečaj. Kada ni ne znaš što se događa, ali možeš reći da je bilo izuzetno intenzivno, i da si se poslije osjećao/la jako dobro. Tek nakon par tečajeva malo bolje sjeda što se to zbilja događa, i svjesnije možeš usmjeriti pažnju na neke stvari koje želiš da se oslobode iz tvog života. Zapravo je sve u tome: da se nešto oslobodi. Sve naše želje i nastojanja imaju jedno usmjerenje, a to je da budemo slobodni, da budemo sretni. Ono što radimo u realnosti je da stvaramo sve više kuka za sebe, ne bi li kroz to, ili u tome osjećali/doživjeli tu slobodu, tu sreću, ali samo se zaplićemo u paukovu mrežu.

            Ono što sam iskusila u ovih nekoliko godina što sam uz Gurua, meditiram i služim, je da šporkica (=prljavština, ali šporkica je tako dobra riječ) mora izaći na površinu da bi otišla. Po istom principu funkcionira Theta Iscjeljivanje. To je ona razlika između oslobađanja negativnih impresija iz prošlosti kroz principe psihologije u odnosu na isto to kroz duhovne prakse. U psihologiji se dobro prokopa i nađe mjesto i vrijeme u kojem se stvorio osjećaj koji je nepoželjan u sustavu, stvara nam strahove, fobije, nelagodu, depresiju i slično – ali nema načina, alata koji otklanja te negativnosti, samo ih se locira. Kroz Thetu ih se locira, pa svjesno otpušta svjedočenjem, a sa SudarshanKriyom i meditacijom ni ne znaš što je odakle otišlo, ali osjećaš lakoću, slobodu nakon prakse.

Tako je i za vrijeme Navaratrija, ne znaš što se događa, ali osjećaš kao da si nosio veliku vreću smeća koja je već počela opasno zaudarati, a smetlari su pred vratima. Sve situacije koje su mi izgledale nerješivo, koje su već postale ustajale i bile na rubu da se pospreme duboko unutra su se naglo pootvarale i porješavale s neviđenom lakoćom, bez imalo truda. A druge za koje nisam ni znala da su tu, su postale vidljive i otvorile se poput rane spremne za liječenje.

            Jučer sam prvi put u pet mjeseci poželjela otići kući (danas, 15.10. je točno 5 mjeseci otkad sam došla). Poželjela sam sjediti na terasi na Braču sa sestrom, popodne prošetati u zalaz sunca, i ne raditi ništa. Ponavlja mi se taj obrazac u ciklusima, da kad mi negdje zagusti poželim nestati sa lica zemlje i nikada se ne vratiti. Svaki puta se bolno sjetim da gdje god da jesi na planeti ne možeš pobjeći od vlastitog uma. I kad se sjetim dok sam sjedila na Braču i ugodno divanila, zapravo sam samu sebe mučila s nemogućnošću da napravim više, da doprinesem više, da se što više ljudi dozna za ovaj put, za ovo znanje, da se humanitarni projekti rade. Osjećala sam manjak podrške i logistike za sve što sam htjela raditi.

            Sve ovo što radim zadnjih par godina (yoga, meditacija) mi je ‘pomoglo’ ili zapravo, promijenilo život. Postala sam od alkoholičarske pametnice i đabalebarošice, ambasador sreće. Ja uistinu smatram da pridnosim mijenjanju svijeta. Promjena se dogodila, ali da se razumijemo, nisam nigdje otišla od Gordane Tihomirović, još je ta ista tu i ne namjerava otići, ali sam bacila puno osobnog smeća, zamjeranja, ljutnje, tuge, situacija koje nisam mogla shvatiti ili oprostiti i oslobodila prostora u sebi koji sada služi da napravim nešto za druge, za svijet. I tu je za mene prava sreća. Ma samo se sjeti kako je lijep osjećaj nekome nešto darovati, i vidjeti taj osmijeh oduševljenja i zahvalnosti na nečijem licu! Tko se bolje osjeća kada je dao poklon od srca? Onaj koji ga je dao, ili onaj koji je primio poklon? Dalo bi se diskutirati, ali ono što ja osjećam je da je onaj koji daje sretniji. I zato radim ovo što radim. Vraćam ljudima osmijeh na lice. Najzahvalnija uloga na svijetu je kada si u poziciji gdje, na koji god to način, nekome vratiš osmijeh na lice, ne smijeh, nego osmijeh. Osmijeh koji zrači unutranjim mirom, srećom i osjećajem da se sve okej. To je ono što tražimo, osjećaj: sve je okej. Sve je u redu. Sve što je bilo, bilo je, pa što? Sve što dolazi nije još došlo, pa što? Nemojmo zamijeniti ovaj osjećaj osjećajem nonšalantnosti, nego osjećajem: uistinu stojim čvrsto i osjećam se zadovoljno, zadovoljeno, sretno, ispunjeno, zbrinuto, nezabrinuto. Ja sam čovjek, ja sam osoba, ja sam energija, ja sam tu za druge, jer sreća je moja prava priroda, jer dijeliti je moja istinska namjera.

Sretan Navaratri onima koji slave, a onima koji ne slave, sretni bili.

G.

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            I will not speak much about what Navaratri is, except it is a festival occurring at the summer and winter solstices, the winter one being more important here. It represents celebrating the principle of the Divine Mother as the source of all creation. Our Maha Devi, our great mother. Nava means nine and ratri are nights.

That is how long it lasts, the 9 days being a symbol of the nine months the baby spends in the mother’s womb. There are different aspects of the celebration but it comes down to generating an enormous amount of energy and transforming the existing one. Seemingly, everything is like any other day except the extended sessions with Guruji and the pundits (the ones who chant the mantras). Yes, seemingly. Seemingly it is a series of ceremonies with lots of chanting and meditating. But something else happens at this time. It is said that one’s first Navaratri is an intro. Like the first basic or the first advanced course. You have no idea what is going on but you can say that it was extraordinarily intense and that after it you felt extremely well. Only after a few more courses you start to get a hang of what is going on and can more consciously guide your attention to where you feel things should change in your life. Everything comes to that one thing: feeling free. All our desires and intentions have but one direction and that is to be free, to be happy. What in reality we do is creating more hooks for ourselves, in order to feel/experience freedom and happiness. With those hooks we only get more entangled into the spider’s web.

            What I myself have experienced in these few years being with the Guru, meditating and serving, is that the ‘dirt’ has to touch surface in order to leave. The same principle is seen in Theta Healing. The difference between releasing negative impressions from the past through psychology or spiritual practices is this: in psychology we dig deep to find to find the time and place that created an unwanted emotion that creates fears, phobias, discomfort, depression etc. – with no system as in how to remove these negativities, instead merely locating their whereabouts. What Theta does is finds the negativities and through awareness witness their release. SudarshanKriya and meditation you do not know what is going on, but experience deep relaxation, a sense of freedom afterwards.

            That is how it is during Navaratri, you cannot fathom what all is going on, but feel as though you have been carrying a big garbage bag that started to reek (smell very badly) and the garbage men are just on the doorstep. Situations that priorly seemed unsolvable suddenly opened up and got resolved without much effort, with a lightness unseen. Others I had not noticed emerged and opened up as if they were wounds ready to be healed.

            Yesterday was the first time in the five months (today, October 15th is exactly 5 months since I arrived) that I wished to go home. I wished I were sitting on my terrace on the island of Brač with my sister; went for a walk to meet the sunset and not doing anything. This is a pattern that keeps coming in cycles, when something starts to become a bit heavy on me I wish to disappear and never come back. What I painfully get reminded of is that there is no escape from our own minds, wherever we are. So, when I remember being on Brač and lazily chilling out, I also remember how much I was tortured by the inability to contribute more, that more people find out about this path, about this knowledge, to execute more humanitarian projects. I felt a lack of support and logistics.

            All the things I have been practising for the last few years (yoga, meditation) have aided me, or rather were life changing for me. From a smarty alcoholic lazy bum I transformed into a happiness ambassador. I truly believe I am contributing to changing the world. A change in me also happened. To be honest, I have not moved far from being Gordana Tihomirović, the same one is still there and has no intention of going anywhere, but what happened is that I threw out a lot of personal garbage, resentment and anger. The situations I have not been able to accept, understand or forgive I let go of and with that freed a space inside me that now serves to do something for others, for the world. That is the touch down point where true happiness is for me. Just recall what a lovely feeling it is to gift something to another person and see that smile of amazement and gratitude on their face. Who feels better: the one who is giving or the one who is receiving? It could be discussed, but let us not, and take it as a given that what I also feel is the one who is giving is more fulfilled. That is why I do what I am doing. I bring a smile to people’s faces. The most beautiful role to have is to be in the position to bring back a smile to people’s faces. Not laughter, but a smile, a smile that radiates serenity, happiness and the ‘it’s okay’ feeling. That is what we are all seeking for; the ‘it’s okay’ feeling. Everything is fine. Everything that was, was, so what? Everything that is about to come has not yet come, so what? Let’s not replace this feeling for the one of being nonchalant, but take it as the one that says: I truly stand my ground; I am content, happy, fulfilled, taken care of and without concerns. I am human, I am a person, I am energy, I am here for others, as happiness is my true nature, and sharing is my true intention.

Happy Navratri to all those who celebrate, and to those who do not: be happy.

G.