Ashram. Htjela bih još malo pisati o ashramu i životu u ashramu. O životu Ashrama.

Ashram se rodio prije oko 30 godina, kad se Sri Sri Ravi Shankar vozio u autu, rekao vozaču da stane gdje je danas ashramski ulaz broj 1, i povijesno rekao: tu će biti naš ashram. Svi su ga blijedo pogledali, i rekli – ali ovdje je samo suha zemlja i kamenje. Naravno, kako to biva u svakoj bajci, pa tako i ovoj našoj ashramskoj, suha zemlja i nepomično kamenje  pretvorili su se u zeleni safari park. Zašto safari? Krenemo li lokalnim malim vozilom po ashramu (shuttle service), na prvu ćemo vidjeti pse, majmune, vjeverice, ptice svih veličina i oblika. Zebri nema. Ali zato se u slučaju velike sreće možemo susresti sa zmijom/zmijama. Možemo imati toliko sreće da sjedimo ispred kuće, osjetimo kako nam se nešto omazilo o dupe, okrenuti se i ugledati zelenu ili smeđu dvometrašicu koja će nam zatim siktati i plaziti jezičić. Noću štakori veličine malih pasa, crni poput slabo osvijetljene noći pretrčavaju puteve ili bježe iz kanti za smeće. Dnevna atrakcija safari parka je ni više ni manje nego naša slonica Indrani, a ipak manje viđen je njen mužić Maheshwar, koji je maltene duplo veći i surlom kida čitave grane stabala. Zadnja životinja koja je usvojena u ashramsku obitelj je i skroz bijeli (možda čak albino) konj, mladac od godine-dvije. Kažu da će još rasti, a već je zavidne veličine. Kućnih ljubimaca, malih bubica, bubetina, miševa, paukova, mrava…i žohara ima u izobilju. Zaboravila sam spomenuti i one dvije mlade bijele sovice koje su nam spavale pod prozorom neko vrijeme. Zapravo je ashram savršeni spoj betona, zemlje, biljaka i životinja. Kao da živiš na selu, a opet si u gradu. Životinje su bezopasne, nisam čula da je zmija ikad ikoga ugrizla, ili slonica ugazila, dapače, slonica je draga i mazna i voli papati banane iz ruke. Jedina manja smetnja je kad se čopor pasa dogovori zavijati i lajati bez prestanka negdje između 4 i 5 ujutro.

            Imamo i floru raznoliku i mnogoliku. Stabla sandalovine na svakom koraku, i pokoja rudraksha, tulsi, neem i nebrojeno svega što ne znam što je, ali miriše, u bojama je i raste na sve strane.

            Osim našeg raznolikog životinjskog i biljnog safari parka, imamo i ljudski safari.

Ljudi iz svih dijelova Indije i okolnih zemalja u rijekama dolaze i odlaze, kao na kakvom velikom kolodvoru. Nešto manja je brojka Internacionalaca, u većim skupinama se pojavljuju iz Latinske Amerike, Rusije, Mongolije, dok su ostale svjetske i evropske zemlje zastupljene manjim brojkama. Iz Hrvatske sada troje, iz Slovenije jedan, a imali smo i susjeda iz Srbije. Mogu se prepoznati neke zajedničke crte skupina zemalja, ali ne bih se bacala u predrasude, svi smo mi drugačiji/čudni/ludi na svoj način.

Kako nam dolaze ljudi u svim oblicima, veličinama, bojama i jezicima, tako dolaze i njihove ideje, mišljenja, ponašanja i stavovi. Stvarno nas ima svakakvih. Jedino što nas spaja je: želja za samospoznajom i želja da promijenimo svijet na bolje.

            Na kraju tridesettrećeg video predavanja pojašnjenja dijaloga u obliku pjesme između Ashtavakre i kralja jedne zemlje Janake, svetac govori kralju: misliš li da možeš promijeniti svijet? To nije moguće. Dalje Guruji nastavlja objašnjavati kako je svijet uvijek bio i uvijek će biti nesavršen. Je li ikad neki svetac ili sveti spis potpuno promijenio tijek razvoja ljudske rase? Uvijek su postojali seratori i postoje i danas. Nije ih ni Biblija ni Kur’an ni Ashtavakra Gita istrijebila. Nemaš kontrolu ni nad čime. Ništa nećeš promijeniti. A s druge strane kažemo: radi 100%, imaj viziju da promijeniš svijet na bolje. Kako je to tako kontradiktorno? Jer jest. Ono što je jedino važno je da si sretan, da ti je um na miru. I to ne onako euforično sretan kada ne vidiš ništa i ne čuješ ništa, nego samo skačeš u ekstazi, dok se ne srušiš od umora. Ne. Nego sreća iz dubine bića. Konstatno stanje sretnosti. Kada te malo toga ili ništa ne može izbaciti iz takta, i bacakati te lijevo desno, satima, danima, godinama, životima…

Život u tijelu, ovaj život sada je tu za tvoje iskustvo. Tu i tamo ima neka pametna ili malo šireg pogleda osoba ili duša koja nas može uputiti kako bi to iskustvo prošli na lakši/ugodniji način. Kako je to lijepo objasnila kolegica francuskinja: kada je dijete malo, osjetila mu nisu sasvim razvijena, ne hoda baš stabilno, više onako baulja i napipava. Onda su tu “odrasli” da dijete upute, da rukom pokriju oštar kut stola, da kažu “ne” ili poguraju u pravom smjeru. Takvi smo mi, poluslijepi, nesvjesni, čujemo samo ono što nam um prepun impresija dozvoljava da prevedemo u sebi razumljivu matricu komunikacije. I tu i tamo se pojavi jedan “odrasli” koji ima jasniji pregled situacije. Naravno, kao djeca, nećemo uvijek vjerovati odraslima, pa se često moramo udariti, pasti, opeći da bi nešto naučili, a i tada ponavljamo iste greške. Taj “odrasli” ne mora ni biti Guru, što se očekuje od mene da mislim, ne, taj može biti i priroda sama, univerzalna svjesnost kreacije, Brahma, štogod, svijet, zemlja, ljudi. Malo je teže moguće da tu ulogu preuzima naš vlastiti um koji je nestabilan poput radioaktivnih izotopa. Opet, ne govorim ti da si slijep/a, glup/a i nesposobno dijete kojem neminovno treba vodstvo. Govorim ti da se probudiš, otvoriš oči i vidiš da si sastavni i neodvojivi dio cijelog ovog svijeta za kojeg vjeruješ da je stvaran – i jest, jer ga ti vidiš i čuješ i mirišeš. Želim ti reći da se opustiš i budeš sretna/sretan, jer ništa što postoji nije izvan tebe. Jedino što ti vidiš i osjećaš i znaš jest ono što postoji. Kada spoznaš više, time je (tvoj) svijet veći, raznolikiji.

Gordana zove Zemlju. Na Zemlji se Gordana jutros probudila u svom safari parku, isprala krmeljiće, disala i meditirala, spremila se za radni dan, krenula na doručak, doživjela susret za koji nije htjela znati, doručkovala rižu s preljutim umakom od kokosa i čilija, na suncu, slušajući svoju najdražu glazbu. Vozila se malim vozilom bez prozora, panoramskim pogledom na polja oko ceste do ureda, posudila novce da plati vozaču, usput se naljutila što nije imao sitnog, i sjela za svoj radni stol dovršiti blog o safari parku. Dok ga je pisala, nešto se u njoj samoj transformiralo iz sitničavog nezadovoljstva u osjećaj da je najveća na svijetu, veća od ljudi, predrasuda, događaja, situacija, veća od osjećaja krivnje i straha. Nastavila je raditi, pisati ono što danas ima dovršiti s blagim osmjehom na licu, radeći sve što treba bez osjećaja da nešto mora, ili da nešto radi. Gordana je često opterećena teškim mislima o životu, ljudima, poslu i svijetu, ali jednako tako često se sjeti da je sve to prolazno i postoji samo kao san, promatran. Igra igru života iz svoje udobne fotelje, s konzolom u rukama, koju često pusti da upadne kod naslona za ruke i gleda što se događa na ekranu. I smije se. Gordana se puno i često smije. Od srca. 

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Ashram. I would like to write about the ashram and the life in the ashram, And the life of Ashram.

Ashram was born some 30 years ago when Sri Sri Ravi Shankar was driving in the car and told the driver to stop where is today’s ashram gate number one, historically exclaiming: here will be our ashram. Everyone there gave him a suspicious look and said – this is but dry land and stone. As it comes to pass in any fairytale, similarly here as well, the dry land and immovable rocks turned into a safari park. Why safari? If we take a ride with the ashram’s vehicle (the shuttle service), we will see dogs, squirrels, birds of all sizes and shapes. There are no zebras. But in case of a stroke of luck we can meet a or multiple snakes. We can be so lucky as to sit in front of our house and feel something brush against our behind, turn and face a green or brown two meter darling that will hiss at us showing her thin tongue. At night we have dog-sized rats as black as the creeping night, running across paths or from garbage barrels. The daily attraction of the safari park is no more nor less than our own elephant Indrani and her less often seen husband Maheshwar, doubling her size, who has been spotted to have plucked entire branches with his trunk.

The latest animal adopted to the ashram family is an entirely white (possibly albino) horse, a youth of one or two. They say he will grow bigger, now already being of an enviable size. Pets, small and big bugs, mice, spiders, ants and cockroaches are plenty. I forgot to mention those two sweet white owls that used to sleep under our window. Ashram is a perfect combination of concrete, dirt, plants and animals. Like living in a village, yet you are in town. The animals are harmless, I have not heard of snakebite or elephant stomping case ever happening, on the contrary, the elephant is sweet and a real darling, she likes to eat bananas out of your hand. The only nuisance can be a pack of dogs deciding to howl and bark between four and five am.

            There is a great variety of flora as well. Sandalwood trees and a rudraksh tree, tulsi, neem and an unlimited number of unknown to me but spread fragrances and shows colours and grow everywhere.

            Except our diverse animal and plant safari park, we also have a human safari.

People from all over India and neighbouring countries flow in and out in rivers, like on a station of sorts. A smaller number are Internationals, mostly from Latin America, Russia, Mongolia, while rest of the world and European countries re less represented. From Croatia we are three, from Slovenia one, and we used to have a neighbour from Serbia. Some traits can be easily recognised in certain country groups but I would not be prejudiced because we are all different/strange/crazy in our own ways.

As people of all forms, sizes, colours and languages come, so come their ideas, opinions, behaviours and attitudes. We are really of different sorts. The only thing connecting us is desire for self-realisation and the desire to change the world.

At the end of the thirty-third video lecture of the understanding of the dialogue in verse between Ashtavakra and a king of a country Janaka, the wise man tells the king: do you really think you can change the world? It is not possible. Guruji goes on explaining how the world was and will continue to be imperfect. Has a saint or a sacred scripture ever changed the course of development of the human race?

Shit-heads have always existed and they do so till this day. Nor the Bible, nor the Kur’an nor the Ashtavakra Gita has made them extinct. You have no control over nothing. You will change nothing. And then again: do 100%, have a vision of changing the world into a better place. Why is it so contradictory? Because it just is. The only thing that is really important is that you are happy, that your mind is not stressed. Not euphoric kind of happy when you can neither see nor hear anything and jump in ecstasy until you drop from exhaustion. No. Rather happiness from the depth of your being. A constant state of happy. When very little  or nothing can throw you off your balance, and shove you left and right for hours, days, years, lives…

Life in a body, this life now is here for your experience. Here and there a smarter someone or with a wider perspective, a soul that can help us find our way to sail smoothly. A colleague, a French girl put it so nicely: when a child is small, its senses are not fully developed; its walk is not stable yet. It is stumbling along and tapping. In that case the “grown-ups” are there to guide the child, to cover the sharp edges of tables, to say “no” and give a little push in the right direction. That is how we are, half blind, not aware, perceiving only what our impression-filled mind allows us to translate in an understandable communication matrix. Here and there a “grown-up” who has that clear vision of the situation shows up. Of course, as children, we often need to hit, fall, burn ourselves in order to learn, and even then we repeat the same mistakes. That “grown-up” needs not to be a guru, what is expected from me to think, no, it can be nature itself, the universal consciousness of the creation, Brahma, whatever, the world, earth, people. It is harder that this role s held by our own mind that is unstable as a radioactive isotope. Again, I am not telling you that you are blind/stupid and an incompetent child that undoubtedly needs guidance. I am telling you to wake up, open your eyes and realise that you are an indivisible integral part of the world you perceive as real – and it is real, because you see, hear and smell it. I want to tell you to relax and be happy, because there is nothing that exists outside of you. Only what you see and feel and know is what exists. When you grasp more, that much more your world expands and varies.

            Gordana to Earth. On Earth Gordana woke up this morning in her safari park, washed her face, breathed and meditated, got ready for the day at work, went for breakfast, saw an encounter she did not want to know about, had rice for breakfast with a too spicy coconut and chilli sauce, in the sun, listening to her favourite music. She drove in a windowless small vehicle with a panoramic view on fields around the road to office. She borrowed money to pay the driver, got angry at him for not having change and sat to finish writing her safari park blog. While writing it something inside her stirred and transformed from a petty dissatisfaction to a feeling that she is so great in this world, greater than people, prejudice, events and situations, greater than the feelings of guilt and fear. She continued to work, to write what she needs to finish today’s work with a mild smile on her face, doing what she needs to do without that feeling of must, or that she is even doing something. Gordana is often under the weight of heavy thoughts about life, people, work and the world, but she remembers as often that all is perishable and exists only as a dream, is just observed, seen. She plays the game of life from her comfortable armchair, holding a console she lets fall in the hole next to the arm and keeps staring at the screen. And she laughs. Gordana laughs often and a lot. Wholeheartedly.