Evo vratila sam se doma napokon. Morala sam se malo uživjeti u čudnovitost zemlje u kojoj sam odrasla. Čudno sam se osjećala u početku. Kao da tu uopće ne pripadam. Gdje se to uopće nalazim? Mozak mi je blokirao za hrvatski, pa sam se stalno morala prisjećati kako se nešto kaže. Tj. kada ne bih znala nešto izraziti, bih iskoristila poštapalicu ili psovku. Napor je bio govoriti hrvatski. No ponovno upoznavanje sam brzo prošla i uklopila se kao da nisam nikad izbivala.

Družim se s meni vrlo dragim ljudima cijelo vrijeme i stvarno uživam. A stvarno sam uživala i u Indiji, pogotovo u ashramu. Gurujijev rođendan sam proslavila s gospođom koja prelijepo zrači. Blagoslovila me i rekla “Imat ćeš sretan život”. Meni je u glavi i srcu bilo samo to koliko volim Stvoritelja i ovaj život i Sve. I eto. Jednostavno sam sretna. I namjeravam biti sretna. Ne traži sreću tamo gdje je nema. Ona postoji samo na jednom jedinom mjestu. U Svemiru unutar nas.

Ništa nije važno imati, biti ni očekivati. Ništa uopće nikada nije važno i ne bi trebalo biti. Sve što nas okružuje su puke sitnice, trice, kučine. Sjeti se koliko si mali u beskonačnoj manifestaciji boga. Koliko si samo mali dio materijalnog svemira, a tek nematerijalnog. Ni crno ispod nokta. Misliš da su tvoje ideje vrijedne umiranja, patnje i nezadovoljstva? Ne bih rekla.

E da, sjećate li se kako sam govorila da mi je u Indiji vruće, vruće i vruće? Sada mi je hladno i samo ide hladnije. Pitam se kako se nisam razbolila vozeći biciklu na 12 celzijusa i orkanskom vjetru. Obučem se, pa je okej.

Prošlo je mjesec dana. Vrijeme leti. Neki planovi (moji tipični sve-će-biti-kako-sam-zamislila) su propali, neki drugi se sami od sebe dogodili. Takvi su valjda najbolji. No, radim puno Thete i to me uvijek veseli, pretvara se u pravi posao.

Evo ga – stvarni život. Kakva je razlika sada i u ashramu? Nemam dnevni red, ali imam slobodu da radim stvari kad god poželim. Malo sam se opustila, ali sada mi je već dosta odmaranja i đabalebarenja, te krećem u modus: red, rad rezultat.

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There, I came home, finally. I had to slide into the wonders of the country where I grew up. I felt strange in the beginning, as if I do not belong here at all. Where am I anyway? My brain was blocked for Croatian, so I needed to remember all the time how to say something or other. When I would not know what to use, I would use a swear word or a jargon expression. It was difficult, but I went through it fairly quickly and blended in as if I had not been away.

I am spending time with people very dear to me and am really enjoying. And I really enjoyed in the ashram, as well. It was Guruji’s birthday and I spent it with an amazing Madam that radiates loveliness. She had blessed me and said: “You will have a very happy life.” During the blessing, the only thing I have felt was how I love the Creator and this life and All. That is it. I am simply happy. And intend to be. Do not search for happiness where it is not. It exists in only one place. In the Universe inside us.

It is not that important to have, be or expect. Nothing ever was important and should not even be. All that surrounds us is tiny, insignificant. Remeber your size in this infinite manifestation of god. How small a part you are of the material world, let alone the immaterial one. A dot. You keep thinking that your ideas are worth dying, suffering and dissatisfaction? I would not agree.

Remeber how I was saying it is hot, hot, hot in India? Now I am cold and colder only. I wonder how I have not lost my health riding a bike at 12 degrees Celsius and an almost hurricane. I dress more, so it is okay.

It has been a month. Time flies. Some plans (my typical all-will-be-as-I-imagined) went bust, but some others presented themselves without effort. That is the best, I guess. I have been doing Theta healing a lot, and that is always a joy and is turning into a proper job.

There I go – the real life. What is the difference between now and ashram life? I have no daily agenda, but have the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I did loosen up a bit, but now I am already bored of doing little and am changing mode to: order, work and results.