Alaj je lep ovaj svet, alaj je lepo živeti.

15.6.2014.

Danas sam usisavala paukove. I mislila sam si kako te neke ‘male’ stvari nisu važne. Činiti male propuste je u redu. Pa što ako usisam jednog malog pauka? Samo jer sam lijena naći papir, iznijeti pauka van ili pogurati u stranu. Pomislila sam: ma to je samo jedan mali pauk, koliko dugo oni uopće žive? Htjela sam postati pažljivija, pa sam jednom ili dvaput spasila paukiće, ali onda ponovno bila lijena i usisala još kojeg, onako, bez razloga. Kasnije mi je prošlo kroz glavu kako biće koje može živjeti stotinama godina može pomisliti isto: pa šta, ti ljudi ionako žive samo 50-ak godina. Koliko je vrijedan život? I zašto bi jedan mali, ili kraći život bio manje vrijedan od drugog?

Ono što predstavlja problem, sada kada sam sve ovo uvidjela – kako primijeniti promjenu? Za to treba dodatnog truda. Osjetila sam suosjećanje, osjetila sam poštivanje života; razumjela da nije u redu – na trenutak ili više. Samo nije da imam to iskustvo svaki put kad naiđem na paukića u kutu sobe. Imala sam iskustvo krajnjeg suosjećanja, i trebala bih iz toga naučiti, znati da ne ubijam više. Ljudska priroda je nekad tako naporno uštogljena, kruta i teško promjenjiva. Treba uložiti truda da se nešto promijeni.

Ashram. Opet ashram. Želim da mi život ovako izgleda. Svaki trenutak iskorišten, okolina koliko podržavajuća, toliko i izazovna.

16.6. 2014.

Nisam usisala nijednog pauka (živog). Samo usisaš svu paučinu okolo, i preskočiš pauka. Lako!

Smiješno je to, koliko možeš naučiti iz tih malih blesavih poslova. Recimo, danas sam s jednim Portugalcem slagala okvire kreveta u minijaturnu prostoriju. Nije izgledalo kao da ima neke šanse da u taj mali prostor naguramo 7 kreveta, pa je još na kraju ispalo da smo dva previdjeli, i da usto ima još nekoliko madraca za stati – i sve je stalo! Bez puno muke, zbilja. To me samo uči kako je sve moguće. Tj. da često puta odbacimo ideje i planove jer naizgled izgledaju nemoguće. Ali treba probati. Treba razmisliti, malo planirati, vjerovati da je moguće i probati. Probati ne jednom, nego više puta, na razne načine. Samo kreni!

Imam satove engleskog svaku večer. Danas sam imala puno učenika. Rade i zadaću. Jedan Rus koji ništa ni pod razno ne kuži. Jedna cura iz Gvatemale, Argentinac, Latvijka, Litvanka, Litvanac i Nijemac. Raznolikog su znanja i stvarno mi je zabavno učiti ih.

17.7.2014.

Danas sam neispavana, jer sam slušala Harry Pottera audio knjigu do prekasno u noć, pa sam njonjo.

18.6.2014.

Opet perem WC-e cijelo jutro… Osjećam se umorno, pad energije. Imam danas dva tretmana kranio-sakralne terapije. Baš me zanima kako će biti. Sigurno lijepo.

Pitam se opet, jel’ mi to treba da budem full-time učitelj? Nije li bolje imati slobodu kretanja, vlastiti život voditi? A opet, kad imam tu priliku, ne ide mi nikako.

Mogu raditi sve, a ne želim ništa od toga raditi. Želim raditi za Art of Living, i raditi tretmane, ne neki klasični posao. Želim moći ići gdje god želim kada želim.

Kasnije popodne… Nakon 2 CST tretmana, osjećam se prekrasno. Znat ću kada dođe vrijeme što je najbolje za mene.

19.6.2014.

Danas sam imala jedno baš prekrasno, kratko i moćno iscjeljivanje. Nakon toga mi je došla pomoć za glavu ovu moju nestašnu.

20.6.2014.

Guruji je stigao. Nemam vremena.

21.6.2014.

Jutro. Mh. Jučer su se planovi, ideje i želje počele kristalizirati. Više u smislu, nema smisla brinuti se, iako se nekad brinem. Ma nije ni da se brinem, znam da sam zbrinuta. Brinem se više, ne od čega ću živjeti i što ću raditi, što da radim kako bi moje vrijeme i energija bili najbolje iskorišteni za druge i mene?

Vidjet ćemo.

Nastavak slijedi. Uživo iz Ashrama, samo za vas:

Gordana Tihomirović

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ASHRAM DIARY

What a wonderful world, what a wonderful life.

15 June 2014

Today I was vacuuming spiders. I kept thinking how some of those ‘little things’ are not so important. To allow small mishaps is okay. So what if one little spider gets vacuumed? I was lazy to find a paper, to take the spider outdoors, or give it a little push. I thought to myself: oh, one little spider, how long do they live anyway? I wanted to be more careful, so I saved a couple and then again became lazy and vacuumed a few more. Then I had this thought: a longer-living being might think the same; that humans live only 50 years or so. How valuable is life? Why would one smaller or shorter life be less valuable than another?

The problem is, now when I got it figured out, how to apply the change? A little extra effort is needed, for sure. I felt the compassion, the respect for life itself, understood that it is not right – for a moment or two. But I do not experience it every time I see a spider in my room. I had the experience, and I should learn from it, know not to do it anymore. Human nature can sometimes be so crude, stuck up and inflexible. An effort needs to be put in for a change to occur.

Ashram. Ashram again. I want my life to look like this. Every moment useful, the environment as much as it is supportive, that much challenging.

16 June 2014

No (live) spiders vacuumed today! Just vacuumed all the webs, but skipped the spiders. Easy!

Funny, how much one can learn from silly jobs. Today a Portuguese friend and me were putting bed frames into a small room. Seven bed frames in a miniature room did not seem possible at first. And then we realised two extra ones popped up from nowhere plus a few mattresses – and everything managed to fit! Without a big fuss… This taught me how everything is possible. Too often we reject our own plans and ideas because they seem to be impossible. But one needs to give it a try. Not once, but many times in different ways. Just do it!

I am teaching English every evening. A variety of nationalities – Russian, Lithuanian, Latvian, German, Guatemalan, Argentinian. They are at different levels and I am really having fun teaching them.

17 June 2014

Today I feel tired; I listened to a Harry Potter audio book till too late.

18 June 2014

Been washing toilets the whole morning… I feel low on energy. Today I have two cranio-sacral sessions. I am curious as in how it will be. Surely nice.

I wonder again, do I need to be a full-time  teacher? Is it not better to have freedom to go, to lead your own life? And then again, when the opportunity is there, it does not seem to go so well.

I can do anything, but I do not want to do any of that. I want to work for Art of Living, do treatments, not a classical job. I want to be able to go where I want, when I want.

Later in the afternoon… After two cranio-sacral therapy treatments I feel amazing. I will know in time what is best for me.

19 June 2014

Today I had a short, but truly beautiful and powerful healing session. After that I got some first-aid for my silly head.

20 June 2014

Guruji has arrived. I have no time.

21 June 2014

Morning. Mmmm. Yesterday some plans and desires started to crystalise. More in the sense that there is no reason to worry. Even though I worry not, for I am taken care of. I worry not about what will I live off, or what I can do as work, I worry about what I can do so my time and energy can be best used for others and myself.

We shall see.

To be continued… Live from the German Ashram,

Gordana Tihomirović