Gledali smo jedno predavanje koje je Guruji (Sri Sri Ravi Shankar) davno održao u jednoj crkvi u Americi. Više je ličilo na stand-up komediju, nego na predavanje. Govorio je iste stvari o kojima uvijek priča, samo na izrazito vrckast način.

            Jednu stvar je rekao, kako uvijek želimo nešto drugačije od ovoga gdje smo sada. Kako tražimo ugodu drugdje – ona klasična: the grass is always greener… (slobodni prijevod: u susjedovom vrtu ruže bolje cvatu). Čim se naviknemo, čim upoznamo to drugo, onda želimo treće. Ono što je također rekao, mojim riječima, zvuči ovako: ugoda se ne nalazi u objektu, već u promjeni s jednog objekta na drugi. Također, ugoda nije izvan nas, u objektu. Ugoda je unutar nas samih.

            Veće je veselje u pripremi, u osjećaju: ‘nešto će se dogoditi’, nego za vrijeme samog tog događaja.

            Još dvije stvari su mi se ‘otkrile’. Trebala bih preimenovati blog u “Otkrivenja po Gordani”.

            Otkrivenje broj jedan. Cijeli se život gibam, čak mi je i ayurvedski doktor, osim napomena o tome što da jedem, kako da vježbam, što da izbjegavam, što da pišem (članke, blog, pjesme, pisma…), rekao da je za mene dobro da putujem.

            Kao što Guru tako lijepo kaže da je ugoda u promjeni, čim se negdje zaustavim dovoljno dugo da mi sve postane poznato, odmah mi dosadi, odmah mi krenu crvi u guzici. Ono što mi je sjelo jest slijedeće:

            Samo um može zamisliti da je nešto isto. Um kaže: sve je isto. Ljudi su isti, prostor je isti, posao je isti. Ako pogledaš malo dublje, malo detaljnije, iza tog prvotnog privida, vidjet ćeš da se sve promijenilo. I da je uvijek drugačije. Možda misliš, promjene su male, neznatne. Ali mala promjena po mala promjena jest velika promjena nakon nekog vremena. Ne obraćamo pažnju na detalje, pa nam se stoga i čini da je sve isto.

            Ma sve je drugačije svake minute, sekunde, milisekunde. Raspoloženje tebe i drugih. Hrana koju kuhaš je uvijek malkice drugačija, fritule su malo tvrđe, malo mekše, malo slađe nego kad si ih prošli put radio/radila… Ljudi se stalno mijenjaju. Iako se čine istima, promjene se konstantno odvijaju. Male, minijaturne promjene koje ne primjećujemo ili im ne pridajemo toliko pažnje, zatim i one veće, jako očite.

Samo mjena je stalna.

            Čak i kada si na jednom mjestu sve se mijenja stalno, kamoli kada se krećeš ili kada se događaju veće promjene! Sve migolji, miče se, kreće, trči, vrti, skače i pleše!

            Druga stvar. Pohlepa. Svi razmišljamo o tome što bismo htjeli. Od novih gaća, preko onih finih keksiju, do putovanja u Aziju, te boljeg život za sebe i druge.

            Priča: Prala sam robu (u mašini) jednog jako finog gospodina, koji uvijek izgleda ful sređeno, kao da nosi najfiniju odjeću na svijetu, kao da ima najbolju kremu za ruke i najskuplje asesoare. I hvatala me nekakva čak zavist, vidi kakvu lijepu košulju ima, koji lijepi džemper, sat. Kako uvijek izgleda čisto i sređeno i uredno i vrhunski. Zašto ja nisam takva? Uvijek djelujem kao da sam panker. Što i jesam, ali nekad imam želju biti manje panker i biti više fensi. Ne u smislu šminke, nego čarape bez rupa, gaće koje se ne raspadaju i koju lijepu skupu majicu koja mi stoji savršeno, bez da su mi rukavi malo kratki, majica ne baš moje najdraže boje (jer sam robu naslijedila)…   

            Stavljajući prati, i vješajući tu robu dotičnog gospodina, vidjela sam flekice, rupice i razvučene rukave. Majice loše kvalitete, pomalo ofucale i stare. Nisam mogla vjerovati! Kako to???

            Kako može uvijek izgledati tako savršeno skockan, a ima takvu odjeću? Tako me bilo sram što sam bila pohlepna da imam bolju odjeću.

            I shvatila da nije stvar toliko u odjeći, nego u tome kako se nosi! Nije uopće stvar u tome što čovjek ima na sebi, nego samo kako se osjeća iza te odjeće, te kako zrači na van.

            Ako se osjećam da sam ofucala, to će drugi, i ofucaniji od mene, vidjeti. Ako osjećam da sam obučena najfinije na svijetu, bez obzira kako izgledala (do neke mjere), druga osoba će vidjeti ono zračim li samopouzdanjem ili samosažaljenjem.

Čudo!

            Toliko smo se utopili u taj svijet kojeg smo označili ovakvim i onakvim, ali iznova i iznova nam se taj isti svijet smiješi i pokazuje nam iznimke, pokazuje nam čuda.

            Kako Guruji slatko kaže: “Mi u Art of livingu ne vjerujemo u čuda, mi se na njih oslanjamo!”

            Imam na nekim medijima zabilježen citat koji kaže: “Yatha drishti, tatha shrishti.” Kakav je tvoj pogled (vizija), takvim ti se svijet prikazuje. Ako vidiš samo jad i bijedu, ima je na pretek. Ako tražiš suosjećajnost i dobra djela, i njih ima na pretek. Ono što je unutra, to se pokazuje na van. Ako si ti nesretan, vidiš tuđu nesreću. Ako si sretan, vidiš tuđu sreću.

            Kad smo sretni, hodamo ulicom i sve izgleda kao da cvjeta: dijete se smiješi tati iz kolica, bakici netko podiže kaput s poda, netko nekome otvara vrata. Možda su se i druge stvari odvile tijekom te šetnje, ali ti si vidio samo djeliće, koje si mogao poistovjetiti sa sobom, zato si ih i vidio.

            Kada si bio nesretan, išao si gradom i vidio si krivo parkirane aute, ljude kako se svađaju, oblak koji je prekrio sunce.

            Dvije različite osobe su prešle isti put, i vidjele potpuno različite stvari. Recimo da su čak i iste visine, te išle istom putanjom. Svaka vidi, primjećuje nešto drugo, ono što joj je poznato. Ono s čime se u tom trenutku poistovjećuje.

            Kada nas Guruji gleda (tako ja to zamišljam), vidi male izvore svjetlosti koji tu i tamo čine grešku ili dvije, i onda se muče zbog toga. On u svima vidi svjetlo, vidi potencijal, vidi ljepotu. U najgorem ubojici i malom djetetu vidi isto. Vidi dušu u liku ljudskog bića koje samo želi pripadati, biti voljeno i sretno.

            Jesi li sretan / sretna? Što te čini sretnim?

Ja sam sretna kada se obavežem da ću nešto napraviti i onda je svaka sekunda te akcije poput najveće slobode. A tek oni trenuci između dvije obaveze, kada imam pola sata kada znam da sam radila nešto korisno, i kad znam da

ću nakon tih pola sata raditi nešto korisno. Onda se osjećam najbolje. Onda sam bazično sretna, a sve drugo neka se nosi s vjetrom. Ja sam sretna.

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            We watched a video of Guruji (Sri Sri Ravi Shankar) giving a talk a long time ago in a church in the US. It was more like stand-up comedy than a lecture. He spoke on the same topics he usually does, but in a particular way that seemed as one joke after another.

            He said one thing: how we always search for pleasantness somewhere else – the classic “grass is always greener” thing. As soon as we get used to something, as soon as we know more about it, we want something third. What he also said, in my interpretation, is the following: pleasantness cannot be found in the object, but in the changing period between the two objects. Also, the pleasantness is not outside of us, in the object. The pleasantness is contained in ourselves.

            It is more joyous to be preparing things, to feel that ‘something is about to happen’, rather than the joy during the event itself. Usually we are less aware of it.

            Two more things ‘revealed’ themselves to me as well. I should rename my blog in “Revelation, Gordana”.

            Revelation number one. I keep moving in my life, even the ayurvedic doctor told me, amongst other things (what to eat, which exercises to do, what to write – articles, blog, poems and letters…) that traveling does me well.

As the Guru so nicely puts it, the pleasantness is in the change – as soon as I stop in one place for a long enough time and everything becomes familiar, it becomes a bore for me. What I realised is:

           

            Only the mind can imagine that things are the same. The mind says: everything is the same: the space is the same, the job is the same. If you go a little deeper, a little more detailed into it, behind that first delusion, you will see that all has changed. And that it is always different. Maybe you might think that the changes are minimal, barely visible. But one little change after another is a big change after some time. We never pay attention to those small details, therefor everything does seem to be the same.

            Everything is different every minute, second and millisecond. Mood, ours and others’, the food we cook is every time slightly different; the fritters are a bit harder or softer, sweeter than the last time you made them… People change all the time. Even though they seem to be the same, changes occur incessantly; small, miniature changes that we rarely notice or do not give them the deserved attention, then those larger scaled ones, the obvious ones.

Only change is constant.

            Just by staying in one place everything changes, let alone when one moves or when larger events shift to the next! Everything wriggles, moves, runs, spins, jumps and dances!

            The second thing. Greed. We all spend time thinking what we would like to have. From new underwear, to those tasty cookies, or traveling to Asia, or a better living for yourself and others.

            A story: I machine-washed clothes of a very fine gentleman, who always looks so neatly dressed, as if he is wearing the finest clothes, as if he had the best hand cream and the most expensive accessories. One starts feeling envious; look at his nice shirt, beautiful jumper and his watch. How is it that he is always looking so supremely tidy and neat. Why cannot I have it like that? I always seem to have the looks of a punk. I am a punk, of course, but sometimes I wish to be less of a punk and be more fancy. Not as in wearing-make-up fancy, but to have hole-free underwear, and an expensive T-shirt or two that suits me perfectly, without the sleeves being a bit shorter than they should and the colour not my favourite one (because I actually inherited the clothes)…

            While I was putting the clothes of the said gentleman to wash and dry, I noticed spots, holes and stretched sleeves. The T-shirts were not the best of quality, some even a bit old and a bit battered. I could not believe it! How could this be???

            How can he always look so perfectly perfect, and have clothes like this? I felt so ashamed to have been so greedy to have better clothes.

            And then I realised that it is not so much about the clothes, but in how he wears them. It is so much less of what the person has on the outside, but what that what is inside really matters and that is what shows.

            If I feel ragged, then others, even more ragged than me, will perceive that. If I feel I am dressed nicely, no matter how it looks on the outside (to a certain extent), the other person will feel how I radiate – with self-confidence or self-pity.

Miraculous!

            We are so much immersed in the world we have ourselves marked as this or that, but again and again that same world is smiling at us and showing us exceptions, miracles.

            As Guruji sweetly puts it: “We in Art of Living do not believe in miracles, we rely upon them!”

            In some media you might have noticed a citation I put saying: “Yatha drishti, tatha shrishti.” As is one’s vision, so does the world appear to him. If you see only misery and squalor, you may find a lot of it. If you search for compassion and good deeds, there are many. What is inside us reflects on the outside. If you are unhappy, you see others’ misery. If you are happy, you see others’ happiness.

            When we are happy, we walk down the street and everything just seems to blossom: the child is smiling out of the buggy to its dad, a person is lifting a coat of the ground for a granny, and someone is opening the door to someone else. Maybe more things occurred during that walk, but you took notice of glimpses that you could identify with you, that is why you saw them.

            When you were unhappy, you went into town only to see wrongly parked cars, people fighting, a cloud covering the sun.

Two different people have walked the same way and witnessed utterly different events. Let us even assume they are of the same height. Each saw and perceived something else, that what is familiar to them. The thing they feel as familiar.

            When Guruji looks at us (at least I imagine it to be like that), he sees little sources of pure light that make mistakes here and there and blame themselves for doing them. In everyone he sees light, potential, beauty. Even in the most terrible murderer or a child he sees the same. He sees the soul in the form of a human being that only wishes to belong, to be loved and to be happy.

            Are you happy? What makes you happy?

I am happy when I commit to doing something and then every moment of that particular action is like the most wonderful freedom. Let alone those moments of rest in between two actions, when I have half an hour to enjoy the feeling that I have done something useful, knowing I will soon be doing something useful. Then I feel the best. Then I am basically happy, and everything else can be gone with the wind. I am happy.