“Gospođo Tihomirović, sve se to da riješiti u jedan dan.” – rekao je gospodin iz administracije. Ja sam se maltene okretala oko sebe, da vidim kome se on to obraća. Nisam znala da sam i ja gospođa Tihomirović, a ne samo moja majka (doduše nije ni ona više, jer je promijenila prezime nazad u djevojačko). No očito sam i to postala, ta već se bližim 33. godini života. Nosim i naočale! Sve su to znakovi odrastanja i zrelosti (ne starenja, molim lijepo!). Postajem gospođa žena, ma može i gospodin čovjek, svejedno je, ali molim lijepo: prije imena titula ozbiljiteta!

Što se to dalo riješiti u jedan dan, ja ne znam. Na što je on to mislio? Teta u uredu za rješavanje nekih drugih dijelova administracije vezanih uz osnivanje moje vlastite firme, pitala me: “Jel’ vam to triba danas?” Nakon toga je prošlo 3,5 tjedana do završne faze. Kažem završne faze, jer još nije sve napravljeno do kraja. Firma (j.d.o.o.) je osnovana, ali ja nisam u njoj zaposlena, a ni prijavljena na mirovinsko niti na zdravstveno.

“Osnivanje firme u jedan dan” – ZABORAVI! Nije ni to što sam sve obavljala na Braču, na otoku gdje pošta iz Splita putuje kao od Offenburga do Birminghama – tri dana. A kad i stigne na otok, “razvrstava” se do popodne, pa opet ne možeš ništa prije slijedećeg radnog dana.

Dobivala sam potpuno različite informacije cijelo vrijeme, od ‘bit će vam to za jedan dan’, preko ‘sigurno desetak dana’, do ‘tri do pet dana, ne duže’ – za neki određeni papir. Svi rješavaju sve ekspresno, naravno, ali onaj drugi je kasnio, nije napravio, ne može se znati kad će, i tako dalje.

Ma ne ljutim se ni na koga osim na samu sebe, što sam naivno očekivala da će sve zbilja biti gotovo u desetak dana. Zaboravih na hrvatsku administraciju i našu nam krasnu, te poduzetnu državu.

Ne mogu od muke ići u detalje cijelog tog poduhvata, samo mogu reći da sam često bila u raznim uredima, s pitanjima: Kada će? Je li već? Kada bi moglo? Bila sam pristojna, ali uporna. Mislim da mojim dragim Bračanima nije to najbolje sjelo, ali što da im radim, kad se sada europski odgajam uz malo preostale indijske upornosti i smjelosti.

Sve je nekako do zadnjeg trena bilo neizvjesno, i nije se znalo kada će se zgotoviti, međutim taj posljednji dan mog boravka na otoku i na jugu je bio naprosto čudesan. Odlučila sam da odlazim tu večer makar se ništa ne riješilo, jer su me u Njemačkoj čekali neodgodivi poslovi. Od jutra se niz malih čuda izdogađalo. Prvo je došlo to rješenje koje sam čekala kao ozebla sunce, zatim se sve samo zakotrljalo. Čak je i dućan za izradu pečata otvorio za vrijeme pauze, samo za mene. Sutradan je također tekao lijepo; u tih par sati tranzita preko Zagreba uspjela sam vidjeti i popričati sa svima za koje sam osjećala da je potrebno.

Ime je u naslovu. Zašto se zove Nebbia? Na talijanskom jeziku nebbia znači magla. Neki bi se našalili i rekli da prodajem maglu. Nažalost ne prodajem je, nego suprotno – uprežem firmu baš kako bih odagnala maglu. Što pred svojim očima, tako i pred očima drugih. Prvotna ideja je bila da ime bude nešto vezano uz sunce, vječnost, izvor itd., a onda se tu umiješao moj slavni dida (inženjer koji je uveo struju na otok Brač) kojeg nisam upoznala, no svejedno za njega gajim neku posebnu privrženost i divljenje. Njegovo ime bilo je Nebodar. Dar Neba. Kako mi je majka rekla: njegova majka, moja prabaka (Adelaida), bila je Čileanka, i prevela je ime Celeste, ‘nebeski’ ili ‘dar neba’ na hrvatski. Osim mog dide i njegovog sina, mislim da je ovo ime vrlo rijetko, a tako kaže i ova stranica. Nebodar ljudi često povezuju s neboder, a skraćenica – Nebo, je prečesto upotrebljavano u nazivima firmi. Tako je Nebo nekako privukao i ime Nebbia. Kako kažu moji prijatelji: Ne bi ja! A ja baš bih! Drago mi je da je ime izazvalo toliko asocijacija i značenja i mišljenja, baš po mom ukusu – raznoliko.

Ako ti je magla, ‘nebbia’, prati svjetionik (far, svjetlonošu ili sunce) i doći ćeš kad-tad meni u ruke, na tretman, tečaj, razgovor ili druženje.

Znam te ptico, letiš k meni, kamo god se okreneš – nema ti spasa, iza ugla čekam te ja.

Kako sam rekla mami: Želim spasiti svijet.

Znam da ne mogu sama sve napraviti, nije ni važno. Osjećam tu potrebu, taj nagon, gajim tu ambiciju – da spasim svijet. Nekada se osjećam kao super-junakinja, netransformirana, ptičica u jajetu – čekam još malo tu finalnu transformaciju, Demianovo (Hesse) razbijanje ljuske svijeta kako bih poletjela.

Još malo, mama, još malo.

Kada bih imala nešto za poželjeti, poželjela bih da se još ljudi osjeća kao ja, da skupa kao Powerpuff Girls, odgovorimo na telefon koji zvoni, a s druge strane netko u nevolji plače – da doletimo na mjesto boli, i odagnamo je u nekoliko minuta. Naravno, kao i u crtiću, mora biti puno zlikovaca kako bi leteće djevojčice bile ponovno i ponovno uspješne. Zlikovaca imamo – teške misli, napuknuta srca, bolesna tijela, nasilje, glad…

Ti i ja, spasit ćemo svijet – onoliko puta koliko je potrebno da se iskupimo za sve loše stvari koje smo radili, mislili i sanjali.

U međuvremenu ćemo prestati spašavati svijet, i uvidjet ćemo oboje da se nema što spasiti, da je sve san – i spašavanje i ono što treba biti spašeno je jedno te isto.

A tada ćemo samo gledati i vidjeti i čuditi se kako je postojanje samo savršena igra svjetlosti i tame, bez da mislimo: ja sam sada tama, treba mi svjetlo, ili ja sam sada svjetlo, trebam odagnati tamu.

Budi ništa samnom!

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NEBBIA j.d.o.o.

“Misses Tihomirović, it can be done in one day” – a gentleman from the administration said. I almost turned around to see to whom he is referring to. I have not recognised that I too am Misses Tihomirović, not only my mother (even though even she is not anymore, as she took her maiden name). But obviously I have become it, so close to the age of 33. I even started wearing glasses! All those must be signs of adulthood and maturity (not of getting older, no siree!). I am becoming Misses Grown Up, or Mister Grown Up, it is really the same, but pardon me – kindly use the title of seriousness prior to the name.

What is that what could have been done in a day beats me. What did he have on his mind? The lady in another administration-related office that has to do with starting my own company asked me: “Would you be needin’ this today?” After those words were uttered, three and a half weeks have passed until we were at the closing phase. Yes, the closing phase, because not all is yet done. The company is formed, but I am still not employed, nor my health insurance and pension dealt with.

“Start your own company in a day” – FORGET ABOUT IT! The problem is really not about me doing all this on the island of Brač, where the post from the mainland (the city of Split) travels as if it were going from Offenburg to Birmingham – so, three days. But that when it actually arrives to the island, it is “sorted” until the afternoon, so one anyway cannot proceed until the following day.

I have been receiving totally contradicting information the whole time. From ‘it will take one day’, to ‘ten days for sure’ and ‘three to five days, no more’ – to obtain a certain document. Everyone is, of course, doing their work in an hurried fashion, but the other ones are being late and/or unpredictable etc.

I am not angry at anyone in particular, maybe at myself for innocently believing that all would be finished in ten days or so. I forgot about how Croatian administration is and our wondrously competent country.

I do not wish to go too much into detail, I can only say that I have visited many offices many a time with the constant nag: When will it be done? Is it already ready? When would you say it might be…? I was polite, but persistent. I think my dear islanders did not find my nagging to be as appealing, but what could I have done? I am European-bread now. And still kept some of the Indian persistence and audacity.

Everything was unknown until the very last moment, very little prospect of knowing when it could be brought to an end. That last day I spent on the island and in the south of the country was truly miraculous. I decided to leave that very evening no matter what as things I could no longer postpone were waiting for me in Germany. From morning little miracles  occurred. First a paper I was waiting for forever just appeared unannounced. Then everything else followed. Even the shop where I was to make my stamp opened outside of working hours, just for me.

The next day had a nice flow to it, in the few transit hours in Zagreb I managed to see and talk to all those I felt I should have done.

The name is in the title. Why is the company called Nebbia? In Italian nebbia means fog. Some might joke in saying I am ‘selling fog’ (an expression in Croatian saying that you are convincing someone in something that is shady, not to be trusted, unreal). Unfortunately I am not selling off my business as something it is not, but the very opposite – I am harnessing it in order to remove the fog with it. The fog from in front of my own eyes, and others’ eyes. The primary idea was that the name was to do with something like sun, eternity, source etc. Then my famous grandfather came into the picture (an engineer that brought electricity to our island), whom I have not met, but nevertheless have a particular fondness and admiration for. His name was Nebo-dar (cro. sky-gift). A gift of the skies. As my mother has told me, his mother, my great-grand mother (Adelaida) was Chilean, so she translated the name Celeste, ‘heavenly’ or ‘a gift from the sky’ to the Croatian language. Except my granddad and his son I believe that the name is extremely rare. Nebodar people often confuse with the Croatian word neboder (cro. skyscraper). The short version – Nebo (sky), is already often used in combinations of company names. So Nebo attracted the name Nebbia. As my friends say: Ne bi ja! (cro. I would not do it!) Well, I would. I am glad the name caused so many associations, meanings and opinions, exactly my kind of thing – multicolored.

If fog (nebbia) is in front of you, follow the lantern (phar, light-bearer or sun) and you will sooner or later end up in my arms – for a treatment, course, talk or hang-out.

I know you birdie, you fly my way, wherever you turn to – I am there, stalking you from round the corner.

As I told my mom: I wish to save the world.

I know I cannot do everything on my own; it does not matter. I feel the need, an instinct, and an ambition – to be the world’s saviour. Sometimes I feel as a not-yet-transformed super-hero, a bird in a shell – waiting for that final transformation to happen, Demian’s (Hesse) breaking from the world’s husk in order to be able to spread my wings.

Just a little longer, mommy, just a little longer.

If I would wish for something, I would wish for more people to feel as I do. So we could, as the Powerpuff Girls do, answer the ringing phone, answer a cry in need, fly to the place of pain and remove it in a matter of minutes.

The same as in the cartoon, there must be a lot of evildoers, so the girls could confirm their success over and over again. And evildoers we have – heavy thoughts, cracked hearts, sick bodies, violence, hunger…

You and me, we shall save this world – as many times as is necessary to repent for all the bad things we have committed, thought and dreamt of.

In the meanwhile we shall stop saving the world, and we shall both see there is nothing more to save, that everything is a dream – the saving and that what needs to be saved is one and the same.

Then we shall only watch and wonder at existence being a perfect play of light and darkness, without thinking: I am now darkness, I need light, or I am now light, I need to cast away the darkness.

Be nothing with me!