Asket ili Astek?

Ime Asteka dolazi od imena mjesta odakle su krenuli u potragu za svojom zemljom, otok Astlan (Atlantida?). Riječ asket originalnog je značenja samodisciplina, ali također i ranijeg značenja grčke riječi askein – vježbati, trenirati.

Asteci su ratnici. Prije bih rekla da su sustavno vježbali umijeće borbe, tj. disciplinirani ratnici – askete? Odgajani su strogo, učeći se stavu poniznosti. Svoje neprijatelje nisu nemilosrdno ubijali, već ih zarobljavali, a zatim predavali svećenicima koji su ih žrtvovali bogovima. Brutalno. Vadeći im srce kroz dijafragmu, zatim ga nudeći svim stranama svijeta. Držali bi kucajuće srce visoko iznad glave, kako bi krv kapala po njima, kako bi im se kosa slijepila, kako bi još više osjetili poniznost prema bogu. Za njih je tijelo bilo sveto. Malo ekstremno, reklo bi se. Povjesničari zaključuju: Asteci su bili ekstremni u svojim žrtvovanjima. Da, ali.

Jedna od mnogih priča o njhovim bogovima-suncima glasi kako se jedan od bogova žrtvovao skočivši u vatru i nudeći svoje srce kako bi sunce imalo dovoljno snage izboriti se za prevlast nad zvijezdama i mjesecom. Za njih je i mjesec sunce, bog-sunce koji je skočio u vatru tek nakon ovog prvog – znači bio je slabiji, jer nije sam od sebe skočio, zato i jest blijed.

Skočio u vatru? Suočio se sa sadašnjim trenutkom, s onim što jest, bez bježanja i odgađanja. Ponudio svoje srce bogu? Devocija, predaja onom beskonačnom u nama samima. Shvaćanje da nema smrti. Ne umireš nakon što predaš svoje srce. Ne. Tek tada tvoj život postaje vječnim. Tijelo su smatrali svetinjom. Ono što je sveto predavali su bogu. Najčešće su se žrtvovali njihovi vlastiti najsmjeliji ratnici, zatim svećenici (kako muški, tako i žene svećenice) – to se smatralo činom najviše časti. Kasnije, s mnogo osvojenih naroda, pa zatim i novonadošlim Španjolcima, žrtvovali su zarobljenika.

Možda je počelo s time da su imali tehnike i znanje kako izaći iz tijela prije smrti tijela (=žrtvovanja), ili je samo žrtvovanje služilo kao posljednji test koji će pokazati je li duša ovladala tim znanjem (je li bila prosvijetljena?).

Doduše, kada se prvobitno znanje malo pogubi, a nema ga tko obnoviti, ljudski umovi neminovno upadaju u kriva tumačenja. Nažalost, neznanje.

Yaotl, astečki ratnik; u Indiji bi ih nazivali kšatrija (ratnička kasta), je osoba koja piše poeziju. Ratnik je snažan. Između ostalog piše i o cvijeću. Na vani poput oraha, tvrd, nesalomljiv, miran, snažan. Iznutra poput meke pupe, nježan, brižan, predan, ponizan.

Još par stvari koje su mi se istaknule o Astecima. Jedna je da je javno opijanje bilo sramotno i kažnjivo za osobe mlađe od 70 godina. Onda ta njihova crveno-zelena pernata zmija/bog. I biljka ayahuasca, usko povezana s vizijama zmija i jaguara.

Pernata zmija predstavljala je perjem svoju božansku prirodu, sa sposobnošću da dosegne nebo, a kao zmija ljudsku prirodu – da se kreće po zemlji, poput drugih živih bića na planeti.

Kada sam, prvi i zadnji put, 2012. uzela Ayahuascu (takozvana Mama Aya, ili šamanska biljka iscjeljiteljica, poznata među Astecima) – prva stvar koju sam vidjela ili “bila” – bila sam ja, tj. crveno-zelena (s rombovima) ogromanska zmija. Prvo sam je samo vidjela kako se kreće, ritmičkim pokretima, veća od najveće zmije. Zatim sam osjetila da ja jesam ona i kretala se u njenom/svom ritmu. Zatim je putovala kroz cijeli svemir, cijelu kreaciju, pa je onda postala zmaj s ogromnim krilima. Kada su ta krila zalepetala, cijela kreacija jest bila ta krila. I cijela kreacija je zamahnula jednim pokretom krila. Kada su se krila sastala na vrhu, iznad tijela, sve je nestalo… Svemir je ušao u sebe.

Kao po običaju, dijelim sa svijetom svoje najintimnije misli. Svoje najveće poraze i svoju snagu.

Zašto? Jer imam neodoljivu želju pisati (ja). Još više, jer imam želju podijeliti (s tobom). A najviše, jer mi se čini da kada pišem ovaj blog, nešto više od mene i tebe progovara kroz moje riječi, nešto što želi da ga se čuje.

Bog?

Sveprisutnost?

Svemir?

Zašto ljubav i devocija? Zašto je to toliko važno, barem na ovom putu kojim ja putujem, a pritom ne mislim isključivo na Art of living, nego na cjelokupnost iskustava, puteva i znanja koje sam dodirnula (Theta iscjeljivanje, Reiki…). Kad osjećamo ljubav, najdublju zahvalnost, predanost – to je osjećaj kojim se najbliže može opisati stanje svijesti jednote. Kad nekoga voliš i želiš, u tolikoj mjeri da se želiš stopiti s tom osobom, nije li to najintenzivniji osjećaj koji si mogao osjetiti, i koji te ujedno odveo nekako u najdublje predjele tebe?

Svatko tko je meditirao duže, koristi tu terminologiju: ući duboko u sebe, osjetiti duboki mir, dublji od sna. Te fraze mi zvuče toliko ofucalo kada čujem ljude da ih izgovaraju, ali ne znam postoji li riječ koja bi to stanje mogla bolje opisati. Osjećaš baš kao da toneš, ali ne u san, gdje nemaš svijest o tome gdje si. Toneš u to neko prostranstvo. Usporedila bih to s osjećajem kao kada se pustiš da plutaš na površini mora. Samo se opuštaš sve više i više, ali ne toneš u san, niti u mrak – toneš u osjećaj prostranstva i blage sveobuhvatne svjetlosti. Ponijelo me. Skoro sam i ja utonula samo dok pokušavam opisati taj uistinu zadivljujuć osjećaj.

On nije ugodan, kao kad ti je toplo ispod deke, on je toliko udoban da u njemu samo nestaneš. On je toliko predivan, njegova slika se ne zna naslikati, jer se otvorenim očima ne može vidjeti. Jeste li primjetili da kada mirišemo nešto lijepo ili dodirujemo nešto mekano, često zatvorimo oči kako bi potpuno uživali u osjećaju koji nam taj miris/dodir proizvodi?

Intenzivna ljubav prema neizrecivom i devocija prema onome što nema kraj je nešto najbliže ljudskom osjećaju koji bih mogla povezati sa samom prirodom i srži postojanja.

Mogu li biti Astek/asketa, ratnik i ljubavnik/zaljubljenik, devotee istovremeno?

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Ascetic or an Aztec?

The name Aztec comes from the name of the place the Aztecs started their search for their land; from the island of Astlan (Atlantis?). The word ascetic originally means self-discipline, but also has an earlier meaning from the Greek word askein, to exercise, to train.

The Aztecs are warriors. I would rather say that they trained the art of fighting, or they were well-disciplined warriors – ascetics? They were raised with an attitude of being strict but at the same time humble. They did not ruthlessly murder their enemies on the spot, but took them as captives, then delivered them to the priests who sacrificed them to the gods. Brutal. Taking their hearts out through the diaphragm, then offering it to the cardinal points. They would keep the still beating heart high above their head, so the blood would drip down, matting their hair, so they could feel more humility before god. They held the body sacred. A bit extreme, some would say. Historians conclude: the Aztecs were extreme in their sacrifices. Yes. But!

One of their many stories about their sun-gods goes how one of the gods jumped into the fire offering his heart, so the sun could have enough strength to fight off the stars and moon off the sky. For them the moon was also a sun-god who jumped into the fire only after the first one did and was therefor weaker and is paler.

Jumped into the fire? Confronted the present moment, with what is, without running away or postponing. Offered his heart to god? Devotion, surrendering to the infinite in ourselves. The understanding that there is no death. You do not die after you surrender your heart. No. Only then does your life become eternal. The body was held sacred. What is sacred they would offer to god. Most often their own finest warriors or priests (they had priests as well as priestesses) were sacrificed of their own accord. It was considered to be an act of the highest honour. Later, with more and more conquered peoples and the newly arrived Spaniards, they started sacrificing the prisoner.

Maybe it all started with having the techniques and knowledge of how to exit the body before its death (=the sacrifice) or the sacrificing served as the final test that would show if the soul has gained the knowledge, whether the person was enlightened.

When the initial knowledge gets a bit lost and there is no one to renew it, peoples’ minds start falling into wrong understandings. Ignorance, unfortunately.

 Yaotl, the Aztec warrior, in India we would call them the Kshatriya (the warrior caste) is a person who writes poetry.  Amongst other themes, he speaks of flowers. On the outside he is like a walnut, hard, unbreakable, calm, strong. On the inside he is soft, gentle, caring, devoted, humble.

A couple of more things about the Aztecs I liked: One is that they found public drunkenness a disgrace if the person was less than 70 years old. Another is their red and green feathered/plumed serpent. And the plant Ayahuasca, closely connected to the visions of snakes and jaguars.

The plumed serpent was a depiction of the two worlds: the feather being a symbol of the divine nature of the creature, exhibiting the ability to reach the sky, while the snake moves on the ground, like all other beings living on earth.

In 2012, when I took Ayahuasca for the first and last time (Ayahuasca or Mamma Aya, the shamanic healer herb, known to be used by the Astecs), the first thing I saw or was, was myself in the form of a gigantic green and red (rhomboid patterned) snake. First I saw it move rhythmically, larger than any snake. Then I felt I was it and started to move in that/her rhythm. She travelled through the whole universe, the whole of the creation, then became a dragon with enormous wings. When those wings flapped the whole creation became those wings. When the wings met on the top, above the body, all was gone. The universe had entered itself.

As usual, I share with the world my most intimate thoughts, my toughest defeats and my strengths.

Why? Because of the insatiable desire to write (me). Even  more than that, I have the desire to share it (you). And most of all, it seems to me, when I write this blog, something more than me and you speaks through my words, because it wishes to be heard.

God?

All-pervading everything?

The universe?

Why love and devotion? Why is it so important, at least on this path that I am taking, and by saying this I do not mean just Art of living, but the totality of the experiences I have had and paths I have walked, the knowledge I have touched (Theta healing, Reiki…). When we feel love, the deepest gratitude, surrender – that is the feeling that comes closest to that state of consciousness of oneness. When you love and desire someone, you wish to melt into that person – is that not the most intense feeling you could feel and which at the same time took you to the deepest realm of yourself?

Every person who has meditated for a while uses the same terminology: to enter oneself deeper, to feel an inner peace so deep, deeper than sleep. Those phrases became so corny that when I hear people saying them, but I do not know if there are better words to describe that state. That feeling of falling deeper, but not into sleep where there is no awareness of where you are. Falling into a vastness of being. I would compare it to the sensation of floating on the sea’s surface. You just keep relaxing more and more, without falling into sleep or into darkness – rather into a sense of vastness and a gentle all encompassing light. I almost fell into it, just by trying to describe that truly impressive feeling.

It is not even comfortable, as it is to get under a blanket, it is so pleasant that you just disappear into it. It is so beautiful, but it cannot be painted because it cannot be seen with open eyes. Have you noticed that when we smell something nice or touch something soft, we often close our eyes to completely enjoy the sensation that occurs through it?

Intense love towards the unspeakable and devotion to that without an end is closest to the human experience I could connect to nature herself and the core of existence.

Can I be and Aztec/ascetic, a warrior and a lover/devotee at the same time?