Kako bih opisala približavanje božanskom? Kako to da se duhovnjaci najčešće čine toliko opsjednutima s onim što rade? Zašto su tako zaljubljeni u svoje učitelje i hvale prakse koje rade kao da su te jedine najbolje i vode u sigurno oslobođenje? I zašto su svi stalno opsjednuti s tim prosvjetljenjem? Sigurno su potpuno nerazumni, nenormalni, čudni i pretjeruju, te pokušavaju druge indoktrinirati sa svojim idejama.

Kad pogledaš dobar film, koji se osobito svidi, želiš to podijeliti s cijelim svijetom, zar ne? Želiš ponovno i ponovno opisivati tu genijalnu scenu i diviti se odlično izabranoj glazbi. Svaki put iznova s najvećim oduševljenjem pričaš o likovima, scenaristu itd. Kad nešto rezonira s tobom na neki nov način, kada te obori s nogu, kada te pomete – želiš to podijeliti s cijelim svijetom. I želiš drugima prenijeti taj osjećaj, želiš ga što bolje i detaljnije opisati, želiš da oni osjete ono što si ti osjetio.

Ista stvar, brate. Ista. Osim kad je u pitanju entuzijazam vezan uz ljubav prema bogu, samoostvarenje ili duhovnost, javlja se sumnja.

Moje iskustvo u bavljenju pitanjem tko sam i što je moja uloga na ovoj planeti, u ovom postojanju, produbljivanjem intuicije, mijenjanjem perspektive, ubrzanim otpuštanjem vlastitih misaonih obrazaca, takvo je da me samo vozi prema naprijed sve brže i brže. Ono što primjećujem jest da nema kraja, nema kraja, nema kraja. Uvijek je ljepše, bolje, zanimljivije, opuštenije. Svako novo saznanje je potpuno očaravajuće, i mnogo ljepše i dublje nego prethodno. Ono prethodno je postalo integrirani dio mene i života, pa se ni ne primjećuje više.

Kada govorim ovakve stvari, uvijek mi se čini da se one mogu primijeniti na svaki aspekt svačijeg života. ALI. Ali ipak tu ima nečeg čega nema nigdje drugdje. Neki aspekt neprekidnosti i vječnosti, kojeg se teško uhvati u filmu, pjesmi, akciji. Da, na tren se može, na tren. Ali ne duže od trena.

U početku sunce ulazi kroz prozor koji je veličine malog prozora od WC-a. Moraš se malo dignuti na prste kako bi te sunce obasjalo. Zatim postane onaj dvokrilni, kroz kojeg ulazi više svjetla, ali ipak moraš stati na određeno mjesto u sobi kako bi se osunčao. Zatim prozor postaje polukružnog oblika, i takav dopušta suncu da još i više uđe u kuću. A zatim se kuća odjednom pretvara u one engleske viktorijanske kuće s prozorima od ugla do ugla sobe. I nema šanse da sunce ne uđe.

Soba može biti u mraku 20 godina, no potrebno je samo jednu svijeću upaliti da se osvijetli. Svjetlu ne treba dugo da se upali, prvo je ugašeno, zatim je upaljeno.

Kasnije shvatiš da ti ne treba čekati da vidiš sunčevu svjetlost ili osjetiš toplinu njegovih zraka na licu, kako bi se sjetio da sunce jest, da postoji uvijek.

Sve se događa zbog sunca: život, rast, kretanje, izmjenjivanje suprotnosti. Koliko često misliš na sunce? Koliko si često svjestan da je sunce izvor života? Koliko si često zahvalan na tome što ono postoji? I nije li da, kada se sjetiš njegove velike moći i utjecaja koji ima na naš život i okolinu, osjetiš nekakvu zahvalnost, sreću što postoji?

Sunce je u materijalnom svijetu ono što je meni bog. Neka sila, energija, o kojoj inače ne razmišljaš prečesto, a kada ga se sjetiš, sjetiš se da je izvor svega što jest, da je gospodar i sluga svih kretanja u kreaciji, da je svjesnost sama, i da smo i sami satkani od jedno te istog materijala i da smo u suštini jedno.

Često se sjetim boga. Ne želim i ne mogu ga zaboraviti. Bog nije čiča s bradom koji sjedi na nebu i daje savjete. Teško je govoriti o bogu, konceptu boga, jer prvenstveno sam i ja bog. Ja sam terorist koji je ubio čovjeka. Ja sam ubijeni čovjek i njegova obitelj. Ja sam ružna riječ i udarac. Ja sam sve to. I dobro i loše. Kad kažemo, ‘ma dobar je ko kruh, on nikada ne bi ništa loše napravio’, ne uzimamo u obzir da je taj isti sigurno u životu jednom nekad zavikao, udario, povrijedio, iznevjerio, a isto tako i volio, cijenio i pomogao.

Nitko nije samo jedno. Terorist se isto zaljubljuje, isto ga je strah od povrijeđenosti, ima obitelj, nečiji je sin, muž, otac, susjed. Jednom je bio malo dijete.

Isus je rekao: “Oče, oprosti im jer ne znaju što čine.”

Ne opravdavam apsolutno nikakvu vrstu nasilja, ali isto tako ne želim i sama postati nasilna u obrani od nasilja. Dok sam organizirala Prideove, htjela sam promicati prihvaćanje, prirodnost, opuštenost. Ne borbu, ne silu, ne otpor. Ne šakom. Shvati, prihvati, otpusti. Idi dalje.

Svuda se spominju grozne stvari koje se događaju u svijetu, kao npr. 35 žrtava ljudskog stampeda, uslijed borbe da se uhvati što više lažnog novca bačenog sa zgrade novogodišnje šale. Smetaju li te ovakve informacije? Boli li? Peče li te savjest? Tužan si što gladni u Africi umiru, što se bolesti zbog nehigijenskih uvjeta, neznanja i siromaštva razmnožavaju munjevitom brzinom? Ljut si na mesnu industriju koja nam uništava planetu i remeti hormone naše djece?

Postoje tri opcije: učini nešto veliko, nešto važno i učinkovito što će odjeknuti planetom. Učini onoliko koliko je u tvojoj moći, barem nemoj podržavati ono što ti se ne sviđa slijeganjem ramenima i govoreći kako je svijet usran. I tri, nemoj napraviti ama baš ništa, ali onda budi faca i prestani se žaliti.

Dosta entuzijazma za jedan dan. Pusti riječi i djeluj – tiha voda brege dere!

Ljubav i mir.

How could coming closer to the divine be described? How come spiritual people seem so obsessed with what they do? Why are they so in love with their teachers and say only the best about their practice, and how the practice they do is the best and surely will take you further on the path of liberation? Why are they obsessed with enlightenment? They must be utterly unreasonable, abnormal and weird; and are trying to indoctrinate others with their ideas.

Once you see a film you really liked, you want to share it with the whole world, right? You want to describe an amazing scene and admire the magnificently picked music. Time and again with the same enthusiasm you keep repeating what you thought about the characters, the screenwriter’s brilliance. When something seems to resonate with you, when it swipes you off your feet, you wish to share that with the world. You wish to transfer what you have felt to others. You wish to be able to describe better and in more detail. You wish others could feel what you feel.

It is exactly the same, dude, the same. Only when the enthusiasm is about love of god, or self-management, or spirituality, there is doubt.

My experience in dealing with the question of who I am and what my role on this planet is, in this existence, in deepening my intuition, changing my perspective and quickly releasing my thought patterns is such that it just drives me forward, forward and forward. What I noticed is that there is no end to it, no end, no end. It is always more beautiful, more interesting, more relaxing. Every new realisation is completely enchanting and so much nicer and deeper than the previous. The previous has become an integral piece of my life and me and I don’t even notice it anymore.

It seems to me that, when I speak of such things, that they can be applied to every aspect of everyone’s life. BUT. But there is something in this, which cannot be found anywhere else. An aspect of continuity and eternity, something we cannot find in a film, song, action. Yes, maybe for a brief moment. But not longer than a moment.

 

At first the sun enters through a small bathroom window. You have to stand on your tippy toes to get some sun. Then the window becomes bigger; a double window, and more sun comes in, but you still have to stand in a certain spot of the room to sunbathe. Finally the window takes on a big, semi-circle shape and lets even more sun enter the house. Then the house suddenly turns into one of those large Victorian houses with wall-to-wall windows. There is no way the sun will not come in. The room can be in darkness for 20 years, but it needs only one lit candle to be filled with light. Light does not take long to become lit, first it is off, then it is on.

Later on you realize that you do not have to wait to see the sunlight or feel its warmth on your face to remember that the sun always is, it always exists. Everything happens because of the sun: life, growth, motion, interchanging of opposites. How often do you think of the sun? How often are you aware that the sun is the source of all life? How often are you grateful for its existence? Do you not feel a sense of gratitude and happiness when you think of its great power and influence on our life and surroundings?

In a material sense, the sun represents what god is to me. A force, an energy of which you do not think often, but when you do: you remember that it is the source of everything there is, the master and servant of all creation in Creation, consciousness itself, and we are all made out of the same material, we are all one.

I often think of god. I cannot forget him, and I do not want to. God is not an old guy with a beard sitting up in heaven giving advice. It is hard to talk about god because I feel that I am also god. I am the terrorist who killed a man. I am the murdered man and his family. I am the bad word and the punch in the head, I am all that. The good and the bad. When we say: ‘He/she is so nice, they would never harm anyone,’ we do not take into account that they have surely yelled at, hit, hurt, betrayed someone at least once in their life. Loved, appreciated and helped someone as well.

Nobody is just one thing. A terrorist also falls in love, he is afraid of being hurt, he has a family, he is somebody’s son, husband, father, neighbour. He was also once a small child.

Jesus said, “Father forgive them, because they know not what they are doing.”

I do not condone any kind of violence, but I do not want to become violent in my defense from violence.

When I organized Prides, all I wanted was acceptance, being natural, relaxed. No fighting, no force, no resistance. Not with fists. Realize, accept, release. Go forward.

We talk about all the terrible things that are happening in the world, for instance, the 35 people who died in a stampede trying to catch fake currency someone threw from a building as a New Year’s joke. Does this bother you? Does it hurt? Do you have a guilty conscience? Are you sad that people are dying from hunger in Africa? Does it make you sad that diseases are spreading like crazy because of non – hygienic conditions? Are you angry at the meat industry, which is destroying our planet and ruining our children’s hormones?

There are three options: do something big, important and efficient what will reverberate around the planet. Second, do as much as you can. Do not support things you do not like just by shrugging and saying how the world is shitty. Finally, do not do anything. Also be a man/woman and stop complaining.

Enough enthusiasm for one day. Enough words, do something – Still water runs deep.

Peace and love.