Obično se počinje od početka, rjeđe od kraja, a najrjeđe
od sredine. Kako uopće odrediti sredinu kad ne znamo gdje je početak, a gdje
kraj? Ako mislimo da znamo za početak i kraj, onda valjda znamo i gdje je
sredina. Ja ne mislim da znam, ali mogu se praviti da znam, pa od toga i
počinjem.

Počinjem od sadašnjeg kraja. Danas je kraj jedne moje
priče i početak nove. Na Uskršnji dan je prvi dan Gordaninog ozbiljnog
zakoračenja u – potpuno osamostaljenje. Nedjelja nije loš dan za početke. Na
sanskrtu je nedjelja Suryavar –
sunčev dan (a i u engleskom je Sunday)
– tako da nemam ništa protiv da započnem nešto dobro skupa sa suncem.

Popričala sam si sa svojom konzultanticom majkom, i nakon
dugotrajnog i mukotrpnog premetanja zraka iz lonca u lonac, mnogo bilateralnih
diskusija s ostalim savjetnicima i dobronamjernicima, došlo je, kako bi se
prosto reklo, iz guzice u glavu. A što to znači? To znači da krećemo konkretno.
Sve što se imalo raspraviti se raspravilo, i sad je “aktion!” To je
sadašnji početak o kojem će biti više kasnije, kad budem bliže sredini.

Prijašnji početak je počeo prije 15 dana kada sam letjela
letjelicom zvanom zrakoplov iz Švicarske ravno za Bosnu nam i Hercegovinu. To
je bio pravi kultur shock. U Baselu
smo svi lijepo čekali u redu i pozdravljali osoblje, no kad smo sletili na
područje Balkana, bili smo zamoljeni sjesti nazad u sjedala dok se avion skroz
ne zaustavi, jer su putnici izlazili van maltene na krila prije nego se avion zaustavio.
Od reda za pregled putovnica ni malo ‘r’, i neveliko iznenađenje – jedan je
putnik bez dokumenata sjedio u avionu. Ne znam detalje, ali nagađam – sjedio je
u avionu bez dokumenata, znači došao je nekako u avion. Je li ušao u Baselu ili
u Tuzli? Ako je ušao u Baselu, kako je prošao sva ona osiguranja? Ako je ušao u
avion u Tuzli, kako mu je uspjelo da uđe dok su ljudi izlazili iz aviona? Što
mu je bio plan, namjera? Možda se nikada nije vozio avionom, pa je htio malo
isprobati stolice?

Busa s aerodroma za grad nema, ali ima taxi s
jedinstvenom cijenom, bez obzira ideš li u slijedeće selo ili do centra Tuzle.
Cjenkala sam se, ali nisam daleko dogurala, jer nakon što si u Njemačkoj platio
perec 15 kuna (2 eura), a za istu cijenu mogao u Hrvatskoj pojesti burek i po,
a u Bosni tacnu sirnice, kažem ti, više ništa nije isto. Taksist mi je ispričao
SVE. Ne mogu dokučiti je li ta njegova prisnost bila s namjerom da mi se omili,
ali imalo je utjecaja i nisam imala problem da mu dam previše para za put do
grada, a bila bih s njim otišla i na ćevape, da ih jedem. Rekla mi je jedna sestra,
jedna od mnogih, vegetarijanka isto, da joj je žao što neće nikada više jesti
meso, baš zbog propuštanja bosanskih ćevapa.

U Bosni se vodio Tečaj Sreće, zatim radionica za
volontere i organizatore Gurujijevog skorog dolaska u Sarajevo i jedan fini
satsang (ono gdje se pjeva bhanjo i svira na sanskrtu) za društvo. U
međuvremenu šetnje i druženja i piteeeeeee od sira i zeljanice. I to je sve
čega se sjećam. Malo rada, pite i ugodni ljudi. Bilo je intenzivno, ali toliko
lijepo i toliko meni ugodno, da nemam izbora nego da opet i opet dolazim kod
svojih dragih bosanaca.

U Zagreb sam sletila autobusom i odmarala s najdražim
muzičarkama i aktivisticama koje hodaju planetom danas. Cure snimaju zadnji
griz albuma u svom dnevnom boravku, dok pas laje, a mačke spavaju.

Draaaaagi Zagreb. Nisam ga mogla neko vrijeme ni vidjeti
ni čuti. Valjda sebe samu u tom gradu i svoj život tamo, ali sad se to sve
penje do izbivanja dužeg od 5 godina, pa su ružne uspomene izblijedjelje, a
nove lijepe se stvaraju. Bila sam u novom klubu na Savskoj, koji me pomalo
podsjeća na riječku Točku. Sve je savršeno: ozvučenje i osoblje i uređenje i
tajming. I u tome je najveći problem. Prostor bez duše. Valjda je tako i s GMO.
Savršeno, a ne valja. Kako kaže gospon’ G, čak ni ptice ne čokaju GMO
povrće/voće.

Jednostavno ne ide, kad nema individualnog ljudskog
truda/ljubavi/namjere u tome, nego uložene hrpe bezličnih para i naizgledno
savršenstvo plus želja za zaradom, a ne za osmijesima na licima.

Vidjela sam se na kratko s obitelji, prijateljima i
kolegama. Malo radila, malo odmarala, družila se. Kao dio radionice za učitelje
Art of livinga gdje smo učili kako voditi novi format starog tečaja, imali smo
i projekt gdje smo snimili jednu novu ‘stvar’ tj. bhajan – google ti može biti
prijatelj ako ga nešto pitaš. To je ujedno i poziv svima koji pišu nove bhajane
da se pridruže i snime svoje uratke na taj kanal, pa da se ima i da se pjeva!

Najavila sam da ću podijeliti s vama kako sam pronašla
radost, kako je zadržavam u svakodnevnom životu i kako je dijelim. Iako, sve o
čemu uvijek pišem je samo o tome. Nije li? Prije davnih godina sam ne
namjeravajući naišla ili me pokupio Art of living i njegov osnovni tečaj (sada
Tečaj Sreće) gdje se osim zabave, zanimljivih informacija o prirodi ljudskog
uma, odnosa, života i svemira, ogledanja u ogledalo i razumijevanja gdje se
uistinu nalazimo u životu, uči i yoga, meditacija, tehnike disanja koje nam
dovode um u fokus, čiste nas od utisaka iz prošlosti koji nas opterećuju i još
mnogo toga lipoga. Nastavila sam se nekakvom krivuljom kretati unutar
aktivnosti međunarodnog sklopa fondacija i udruga i firmi humanitarnog
karaktera, gdje sam i dan danas. Tehnike prakticiram, radim za organizaciju i
svaka domena života mi je upletena u taj moj svijet.

Ono što se odnedavna možda samo za mene vidno promijenilo
jest da taj dio za mene i dalje isti, samo uz dodatak svijesti i razumijevanja
da se fino i hranjivo jelo sastoji od cjelovitog obroka. U kojem ima i svježih
namirnica s vitaminima i mineralima, gdje ima i ugljikohidrata i proteina i
čega još, nutricionisti? Kako nutricionisti savjetuju što da jedemo kako bi nam
organizam bio u što boljoj ravnoteži, tako meni riječi Gurua pomažu kako bi moj
cjelokupni život bio u skladu samnom.

Jednom mi je majka rekla, tvoj Guru ima puno posla, ako
ćeš raditi za njega, radit ćeš puno. I bila je u pravu i jest u pravu i tome
nema kraja. Isto tako me taj isti uči da život treba biti poput vožnje
biciklom. Ako se nagneš previše na jednu stranu, past ćeš. S jedne strane je
sve ovo što radim, dok je ona druga strana kod mene bila zanemarena, pa sam
stalno malo nagnuta, i plašim se pada. Nije to ništa strašno, koljena sam
poderala nebrojeno puta, ali ne pada mi se više. Hoću voziti po sredini.

Nema šanse da odustanem od vježbi i praksi koje radim,
nema šanse da prestanem iznova i ponovno slušati riječi učitelja koje mi daju
razumijevanje mene, drugih i života, koji me savjetuje uvijek i samo za moje
najbolje dobro. I nema šanse da je samo taj aspekt mog života jedino što moj
život jest.

Ako još ne znaš za Theta iscjeljivanje od mene, jesi li
cijelo ovo vrijeme čitao/čitala zatvorenih očiju? Ako ne znaš da volim druženje
i ljude i glazbu, možda me uopće ne poznaš? Ako ne znaš da imam veliku obitelj
koju obožavam, i simpatiju koja mi okupira dio srca, znamo li se?

Znaš li me? Znaš li sebe? Uzmi me za rukuuuu, i hodaj
samnoooooom! Sve ću ti pokazati, svugdje te odvesti, ne znaš li da imam i brod
i avion i vlak, i da hodati znam?

Daj me pitaj već jednom to što imaš za pitati i reci što
imaš za reći, pa ćemo zajedno otkrivati nove vrste letenja!

Trenutno sam sletjela u Crnu Šumu, i ovdje sam do
daljnjega, za tebe na raspolaganju preko svih kanala moderne tehnologije – javi
se!

_____________________________________________________________________ 

Usually one starts from the beginning, more rarely from
the end, and the most improbable is to start from the middle. How can one even
say where the middle is if one does not know the beginning or the end? If we
think we know about the beginning and the end, then I guess we should know where
the middle is. I do not imagine I know, but I can pretend, so that is where I
start.

The start will be from the end of what was until now.
Today is the end of one of my stories and a start of a new one. On the Easter
day it is the day of Gordana’s first serious step into complete independence.
Sunday is not a bad day for beginnings. In Sanskrit Sunday is Suryavar – and
I have nothing against starting off something along with the Sun.

I spoke to my greatest consultant, my mother, and after a
long and tedious effort of shifting air from one pot to another, a few
bilateral discussions with other advisors and well-thinker, very simply said it
came from the butt to the head.

What does that mean? It means I am starting to do things
in a more concrete way. All that needed discussions were discussed and now we
are moving into «Aktion!» That would be about it for this particular beginning
and I will share more as it will be coming to the middle.

The last beginning occured around 15 days ago when I
landed to Bosnia and Herzegovina directly from Switzerland. It was a culture shock in every sense of the word. In
Basel we all nicely waited in line and greeted the staff, but once we landed in
the Balkan region, we were all gently reminded to keep seated until the plane
comes to a stop – the passangers were practically leaping out just as the plane
touched the ground. Queuing is an unknown verb in these parts of
the world and we had a case of a stowaway – a guy was just sitting on the plane
with no documents. I do not know any details but let us guess: the person was
sitting on the plane without documents, so he must have boarded the plane at
some point. Did he get on in Basel or Tuzla? If in Basel, how on earth did he
get through all the securities and check points? If in Tuzla, how did he manage
to enter the aircraft while people where dismounting? What was his plan? Maybe
he has never been on a plane and decided to try out the seats?

There is no bus from the airport to the city centre,
but there is a taxi with a unique price that does not change whether he is
dropping you off in the next village or the city centre. I tried to bargain but
it did not go far. After paying 2 euros for a pretzel in Germany, while in
Croatia, for the same amount you could eat one and a half of an enormous cheese
filled roll and in Bosnia a pie-dish full, I tell you, your perspective
changes. The taxi driver told me EVERYTHING. I cannot understand if his
openness was intentional to soften me up, but it worked anyway, I paid up
almost the full price and would have had ‘ćevapi’ with him if I ate meat. One
sister told me, one of many, also a vegetarian, how she feels sorry for never
eating meat and missing out on the Bosnian ‘ćevap’.

There was a Happiness Program held there, a volunteer and
organiser workshop connected to Guruji coming to Sarajevo soon and a nice
satsang (the thing where we sing bhanjos and play sanskrit) for the crew. In
the meanwhile long walks, hanging out and lots of cottage cheese and spinach
pies. That is all I can recall. A bit of work, pies and pleasant people. It was
intense, but so dear and pleasant to me that I have no choice but to return
again and again to my dear fellow Bosnians.

I flew to Zagreb on the bus and rested with my favourite
women-musicians and activists that walk the Earth. The girls are recording the
last bite of thir new album in their living room while the dog is barking and
cats dosing off.

My dear Zagreb. For some time I could not smell nor see
that city. I guess from not wanting to face my own past and way of life there.
Now it has been about five years that I have not lived there so the not so nice
memories are fading and nice ones are being created. I went to a new club.
Everything was perfect: the sound, the staff, the decoration, the timing. That
was more or less the biggest fault. A space with no soul. I guess it goes the
same for GMO. It is perfect, but crap. As Mr. G would put it so nicely, that
even the birds do not touch GMO crops. It just does not work without the
individual effort/love/intention, invested in with cash and a seeming
perfection in place and an innate desire to make money, and not get smiles on
people’s faces.

Family, friends and colleagues. Visited people, worked
some and rested some. As a part of a workshop for Art of living teachers, where
we were taught a new way of teaching a course, we recorded a new song, a bhajan, which also works as an
invitation for others to make and record new bhajans and add them to the
channel.

An announcement was made that I will share how I found
joy and how I keep it in my daily life and how I share it. Even though, is that
not what I always write about? Some years ago, without intending to I came to,
or I was picked up by the Art of living and their basic course (now called
Happiness Program) where except fun, interesting information on the nature of
the human mind, relationships, life and the universe, mirroring your own self,
understanding where we are really at in life, we also learn yoga, meditation,
breathing techniques that take our mind into more focused focus and all these
clear out impressions that seem to bother us and a lot of beautiful things.

I continued to move in a certain curve through the
activities of the international foundation, associations and companies of
humanitarian character where I found myself even today. I practice the
techniques, I work for the organisation and every domain of my life is
interwoven in this world of mine.

What recently changed for me, and maybe I can only see
it, is that all this has not changed, what has been added is a pinch of
understanding is that a meal consists of all the nutrients. Fresh ingredients
holding vitamins and minerals, with carbs and proteins and what else,
nutricionists? As nutricionists advise us on what to eat in order for our body
to be in balance, in the same way the words of the Guru help my whole life be
in balance with who I am and want.

Once my mom told me that my Guru has a lot of work in the
world and if I will be working for him, I will be working a lot. She was right,
and she is right and there is no end to her being right. The same guy is also
teaching me that life should be balanced like riding a bike. If you lean on one
side, you will fall. One one side I have my work, but the other aspect/side of
my life was quite neglected. Nothing serious, I scratched my knees so many
times, but I do not feel like falling any longer. I want to have the middle
path.  

There is no way I will give up my practice nor to stop
listening again and again the words of my Master that give me so much
understanding of myself, others and life, who advises me always and only for my
highest well-being. And there is no way that this aspect of my life will
continue to be the only one.

If you still do not know of Theta healing through me,
have you been reading with your eyes closed this whole time? If you do not know
that I love company and people and music, you might not know the first thing
about me. If you do not know I have a large family that I adore and someone
special who occupies a part of my heart, do we know eachother?

Do you know me? Do you know yourself? Taaaaaaake my
haaaaaand and waaaaalk with meeeeee! I will show you everything, take you
everywhere – do you not know I have a boat, a plane, a train and I know how to
walk?

Come one and ask what you have to ask, and tell me what
you have to say, let us discover new flying techniques together!

I landed to the Black Forest, and will be here intil
further notice, available for you through all the channels of modern technology
– be in touch!