When and how and what? How to truly know your true nature? What are these words serving for? What purpose? To blinden your mind further, to go deeper into clouds, into myst of not knowing.
Yet, once everything is dropped, once the mind is without concept, all is clear and all is known.
How to discern knowledge from wrong knowledge? Only in meditation, only in the presence of the master, the brahma gyani. Only then glimpses are given, for you to grow roots in the understanding, the feeling, the sensation that you are truly nothing. Then the glimpse is gone, the experience is desired again and again and the remembrance of the ultimate again forgotten. Then again we meet our selves on the deepest or highest level, for lack of better words, as this way of expressing something in the form of grandeur is the only way we understand. Gods and Godesses, angels and archangels, humans, animals, freely moving spirits, teachers, instructors, students, yogis, earth, sky and heaven are just roles. There is no higher or lower position, all is part of another part of a part of all.
Dancing with the wind, playing with fire, sleeping in the earth, weeping in the water, all exists in space, in forms and in unmanifest forms.
Everything is circular, yet nothing is being repeated, even if it seems so. Based on former knowledge, a piece of it remains, to learn new knowledge. Like that game we play in Croatian, one person says one word, and the next needs to use the last syllable of that word as a beginning of a new one. Not the whole word is used, just the ending of it. Similarly when we think our movement or experience has been circular, it is merely building up from bits of what was before, just to be created afresh.

How far am I from success and contentment? Just a spit away. A Croatian term. As far as I can spit, that far away – meaning very close, at arms length, really. Just a little more. When we learn how to ride the bike is just the beginning of many rides to come. It is not as if we say, okay, now I know, so let me drop it. No. Now I know, now I want to ride. Then I want to ride with one hand, then without both hands, then for longer periods of time. Then of course, I need a new bike, a better, faster one. Then I can ride up mountains and down hills. Then I want to go again and again.

I am racing by, you can only hear the wind in your ears, and see a blurred spot in the distance. I am already gone. Does not mean I will not come accross your path again, but right now I seem to be moving away. From you, towards somewhere else. Byeeee.

I’ll meet you when you turn on the light.

The longing to move, to express, to dance is unbearable. It hurts how much I want to. I feel as if it were as hard as coming out of a mother’s womb. There is nothing you would rather do, you hardly wait for it to happen, and it seems to go on forever, until that last moment, when it is done, finished. Then you can gently sleep in your mommy’s embrace. Peacefully, calmly.

Have you ever felt that rush? Or do you not stop feeling it? Do you have the calm, after the storm?

Place your head gently and slowly in the ground, close your eyes, and let every possible emotion and sensation come over you. If it is crying, then you cry, if it is screaming, then you scream, if it is laughing, then laugh – allow the sensations to play their dance, to be expressed. Once you are tired from the effort, and only then, relax, keep lying down, be still, be quiet. It seems as if what our whole lives are. We start by struggling out of our mother, we keep making endless efforts throughout our lives, and only in death we rest.

If there is a God, if there is that Divine power, if there is a mother-like entity that can take you into her lap, to make you feel taken care of, to make you experience total letting go, would you not want to run to her? With a long and deep breath out, I leave you for today, guessing at what or whom I might be telling you stories of. Nothing is ever linear, in the same way there is not one question nor only one answer.

Enjoy the sunshine, and then the night.

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Kada i kako i što? Kako uistinu spoznati svoju pravu prirodu? Čemu služe ove riječi? Kakvoj svrsi? Da ti zaslijepe um još malo više, da odeš dublje među oblake, u maglu ne poznavanja.
Ipak, kada sve prepustimo, jednom kada je um bez koncepta, sve je jasno i sve znamo.
Kako razlikovati znanje od neispravnog znanja? Samo meditirajući, samo u prisutnosti učitelja, brahma gyanija. Tek tada su ti dana zrnca razumijevanja, kako bi mogao rasti u shvaćanju, osjećaju i doživljaju da si uistinu ništa.

Tada zrnce razumijevanja nestaje, želimo da se iskustvo ponovi opet i opet, dok sjećanje na najuzvišenije ne izblijedi i nestane. Zatim ponovno susrećemo same sebe na najdubljoj i najvišoj razini, u nedostatku boljih riječi koristim te koje opisuju veličinu, jer to je jedino što nam je razumljivo.

Božanstva i božice, anđeli i arkanđeli, ljudi, životinje, slobodno krečuće duše, učitelji, podučavatelji, jogini, zemlja, nebo i raj nisu ništa doli uloge. Nema više ili niže uloge svaka je dio nekog drugog dijela, koji je dio nekod drugog dijela.

Plesati s vjetrom, igrati se s vatrom, spavati u utrobi zemlje, plakati u vodi, sve jest u prostoru, u oblicima i nemanifestiranim oblicima.

Sve je kružno, međutim ništa se ne ponavlja, iako se čini da je tako. Dio znanja stečenog otprije uzimamo kao temelj za novo znanje. Poput igre koju igramo u Hrvatskoj, kaladont; jedna osoba kaže jednu riječ, a druga se radi od zadnjeg sloga prethodne riječi. Ne koristi se cijela riječ, već samo njen kraj. Slično tome mi mislimo da naše kretanje ili iskustvo ide u krug, ali ono se samo temelji na komadićcima prethodnog, prije nego će se stvoriti potpuno novo.

Koliko se daleko nalazim od uspjeha i zadovoljstva? Pljunut. Koliko daleko mogu pljunuti, toliko sam blizu. Uistinu nadohvat ruke, jako blizu. Još samo malo. Kada naučimo kako voziti biciklu, to je samo početak mnogih vožnji. Ne kažemo, dobro sad znam voziti, pa pustiš. Ne. Sada znam, sada se želim voziti. Onda želim voziti bez jedne ruke, pa bez ruku, onda na duže staze. Onda mi treba nova bicikla, bolja i brža. Onda se mogu voziti i uzbrdo i nizbrdo. Onda hoću ići opet i opet.

Proletjela sam pored tebe, jedino što čuješ je zvuk vjetra u ušima, vidiš mutnu točku u daljini. Već sam otišla. To ne znači da ti se neću više naći na putu, ali upravo sada ja vozim dalje. Od tebe, ka nekamo drugdje. Ćaos.

Susrest ćemo se kad upališ svjetlo.

Čežnja za kretanjem, za izražavanjem, plesom je nepodnošljiva. Do neizdržive boli. Toliko je teško, poput izlaska iz majčine utrobe. Ne postoji ništa što bi radije radio, jedva čekaš da se i to dogodi, i čini se kao da će potrajati vječno, do zadnjeg trenutka kada je učinjeno, gotovo. Tada možeš nježno spavati u majčinom zagrljaju. U smireno, opušteno.

Jesi li ikada osjetila/osjetio taj poriv? Ili ga ne prestaješ osjećati? Ima li mirnoće nakon oluje?

Položi glavu nježno i polako na tlo, zatvori oči, i dopusti svakoj mogućoj emociji i senzaciji da te preplavi. Ako ti se plače, plači, ako ti se vrišti, vrišti, ako ti se smije, smij se –
dopusti svakom doživljaju da zapleše svoj ples, da se izrazi. Kad se umoriš od napora, tek onda, opusti se, ostani ležati, budi na miru, budi tiho. Činise kao nam je cijeli život takav. Počinjemo s naporom kako bismo izašli iz majke, trudimo se svim silama kroz cijeli život, i onda se u smrti odmaramo.

Ako postoji Bog, ako postoji Božanska sila, ako postoji biće koje je poput majke koja te može primiti u svoje krilo, da te učini da se osjećaš da si zbrinut, da osjetiš potpuno prepuštanje, ne bi li joj htio trčati u susret? Uz duboki dugački izdah te ostavljam danas, da pogađaš o čemu, kome ti pričam priče. Ništa nije linearno, pa tako ne postoji ni jedno pitanje niti jedan odgovor.

Uživaj u suncu, zatim u noći.