SVIJET

Što se dogodilo s Gordanom i njenim pisanjem? Spora je. Ne piše. Ne dijeli.

Vrijeme nemilice leti tamo gdje je krenulo, a Gordana s njim, bez ogledanja u prošlost.

No, kada bih se baš morala vratiti (a kao teško mi je, s tri retrogradne planete u horoskopu), prvo mi pada napamet Yoga. Jedinstvo. Stapanje. I činjenica da je premijer Indije pridobio neke važne ljude da priznaju Praksu Yoge kao važnu. Važni ljudi odlučuju važne stvari, a mi? Mi imamo samo izbor poslušati ili ne. Ovaj put se čini da su na dobrom tragu. Ili možda samo prate aktualne trendove. A aktualni trendovi nam govore da smo, da prostiš, sjebani – kako fizički, tako i psihički. Treba nam nešto više od tablete za bol da se iscijelimo. Treba nam jedinstvo – tijela, daha i uma. Treba nam duševni mir / mir u duši.

Gledati predsjednika UN-a i indijskog ambasadora kako izgovaraju riječi ‘duhovnost’ i vidno nerazgibani rade jednostavne vježbe u svrhu doživljanja jedinstva, u svrhu meditacije nakon vježbanja je, u najmanju ruku, novost. Slušati meki zvuk glasa mog Gurua u Europskom Parlamentu (koji će, nadam se, opstati i nakon ružnog prekida) dok vodi meditaciju, a pored njega sjede parlamentarci u majicama na yoga dan print, umjesto u košuljama – je surealno.

Zgrada parlamenta u Strasbourg-u /Strasbourg Parliament building

Svijet prepoznaje potrebu za poboljšanjem kvalitete života, prakticirajući drevne tehnike prevencije bolesti, i meditirajući?

Ne mogu reći da nisam zapanjena. Pritom i nemoguće ponosna što sam dijelom tog plemenitog pokreta.

GORDANA

Vidjela sam u jednom procesu ThetaHealing-a kako sam drugima izgledala dok sam bila dijete, a tako slično me ti isti ljudi vide i danas, zabrinuti.

Kad sam bila dijete, nisam bila hiperaktivna, samo malo više zaigrana od druge djece i pomalo neuobičajeno proaktivna. Stalno sam nešto radila, imala neke svoje projekte koje sam ostvarivala. Ono što je najneobičnije u tome je da nitko nije baš sasvim razumio što je to što radim i kakvog smisla to sve ima. Naime, fizički rezultati nekih mojih projekata su djelovali malo zbrčkani, nije se baš moglo reći da je to čista umjetnička kreativnost. Nije baš bilo sasvim jasno. Za mene je to ta neka logička kreativnost. Meni je bilo najvažnije da to što radim za mene ima smisao i svrhu.

Tako i danas. I dalje ljudi često ne razumiju koja je logika iza toga što radim, a pritom se pribojavaju da ne usmjeravam svu tu silnu snagu i energiju koja samo raste s godinama, u ‘pravom smjeru’.

Za mene je, na kraju krajeva, važno jedino da se ja osjećam sigurno u to što radim, da osjećam da ono što radim ima svrhu. Da je pred mene postavljen zadatak (nije važno tko ga postavlja, ionako sama biram kojeg ću se zadatka primiti), i da ja OSJEĆAM da je to sada najvažnija stvar koju trebam raditi. Uvijek kažem da sam možda u krivu kad nešto vjerujem ili osjećam da je tako, no najiskrenije, ja za sebe znam da ne mogu biti više u pravu. Je li to neotvorenost, je li to zadrtost, je li to sebičnost, egoizam? Baš me briga. Bar sam u tome dosljedna, iskrena i nepokolebljiva. I, ne zaboravimo, brutalno jako intuitivna.

Počinjem sebe iskreno poštivati. Svaki dan se učim cijeniti svoje kvalitete i sposobnosti, a pritom (iako se možda iz ovog teksta to ne da zaključiti) biti skromna i draga. Ma baš sam si super. Čini mi se da je to prirodni proces izlaska iz dugogodišnjeg potvrđivanja samoj sebi koliko sam nesposobna i bezvrijedna. Sada otkrivam te vrijednosti, koje su se u međuvremenu razvile. A razvile su se iz tog nezaustavljivog poriva da radim to što smatram da ima smisla za mene. I to je jedna hvalevrijedna kvaliteta.

Poput nekog proroka sama sebi govorim da ću jednog dana biti poznata mnogima i imati i više nego što mi je ikada bilo potrebno u materijalnom smislu. I shvaćam da je taj trenutni ‘drive’ koji me fura možda samo privid koji će me dovesti do toga da porastem emocionalno i shvatim da imam, da sam uvijek imala i da ću uvijek imati sve što mi treba. No nisam još tu stigla. Zasada stremim ka nečemu što smatram da bih trebala imati, iako nisam depresivno nezadovoljna s onim što imam (ta faza me ostavila za sobom).

DIGITALNI

Jedna mala scena se sada odigrala na stanici dok sam čekala vlak. Upoznala sam dva Meksikanca i otpratila ih na pravo mjesto da čekaju slijedeći vlak. Kratko smo razgovarali, i uto nam je prišao čovjek, čuvši da razgovaramo na engleskom, i zamolio nas maramicu za nos za sina kojeg je uhvatila alergija. Našli smo se usred 2-minutne rasprave kako bi trebao uzeti cijeli paketić, a on se branio govoreći da uistinu nije potrebno da uzme sve, i možda će nama isto trebati. Ono što je meni bilo posebno zanimljivo je koliko je čovjeku bilo nelagodno prići. Stanica je mala, moj dragi Appenweier, stanica vlaka usred ničega, bez wc-a, trafike. Prošlo ljeto su postavili kiosk za kavu, ali očito im nije išlo dovoljno dobro da bi se tradicija nastavila. Uglavnom, gospodin nije imao izbora nego pitati, a pitao je jer je čuo njemu poznat jezik. Pritom mu je bilo strašno nelagodno.

Ljudski dodir, figurativno, ne doslovno govoreći, je postao toliko rijedak da nas iznenađuje i zbunjuje. Moja perspektiva je još malo ekstremnija zbog mjesta gdje živim (malo zabačeno selo, usred najbogatijeg i najtradicionalnijeg dijela Njemačke), ali ipak mislim da trend nedirektne komunikacije svjetski. Manje se obraćamo ljudima koje susrećemo, više vjerujemo Google-u, nego da će nas netko uputiti na pravo mjesto. Mislimo da sve moramo sami, pobrinuti se da uvijek imamo sve što nam treba da ne bi ovisili o drugima. Što je smiješno, jer iza svake aplikacije stoji tim ljudi koji zagleda u ljudske potrebe i doprinosi s onim što nam nedostaje.

PROMJENA

Neobične promjene se događaju ovih dana. Iz dana u dan, čini mi se, osjećam se drugačije, vidim se drugačije. Čekam još koji dan da ateriram. Sve je tako stvarno i opipljivo, a opet poput najdubljeg sna. Jako duboka iskustva promjena, koje još ne mogu sasvim upikirati, ali svakako ću o njima obavijestiti na vrijeme.

Iz vana je sve po običaju. Možda čak i neuobičajeno obično. Flert, pjesma, posao je trenutno kolo koje se vrti. I da ne zaboravim, mnogo ThetaHealinga. Danas mi se javio stari prijatelj i pomogla sam mu da se iscijeli, da mu trenutno bude bolje. Jako je lijep to osjećaj. Ne da sam da ‘Ja’ iscijelila, već da sam se ispraznila dovoljno (za sada) svojih smetnji da mogu gledati kako kroz mene djeluje svemir i ide tamo gdje želi ići bez blokada.

Iscijeljivanje. Guru kaže da definicija zdravlja nije samo odsustvo bolesti, već cjelokupna harmonija tijela i duha.

Je li ti znaš kakav je to osjećaj biti u potpunosti i sasvim zdrav?

Bi li željela prepoznati i znati cijeniti zdravlje?

Ako da, reci “da” na glas i osjeti promjenu.

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WORLD

What has happened to Gordana and her writing? She is slow. Does not write. Not sharing.

Time is flying wherever it is intending to go, and Gordana along with it, without looking into the past.

But, when I would really be obliged to go back (like it is with much difficulty for someone having no less than three retrograde planets in my horoscope), the first thing that comes to mind is Yoga. Unity. Melting together. And the fact that the Indian Prime Minister got some important people to pronounce the Practice of Yoga as important. Important people make important decisions, and what about us? We only have the choice of listening to them or not. This time it seems, they are on a good path. Or maybe they are just going along with the world trends. The world trends tell us how we are, to be rude, f****d up, physically and psychologically. It seems we need something more than just a pain pill to heal. It seems we need unity of body, breath and mind. We need peace for the soul. 

To hear the UN president and the Indian ambassador speak words such as ‘spirituality’ and to obviously stiffly do simple exercises in order to experience that unity, so they can fall into meditation after the workout is, at the least, something very new. To listen to the soft voice of my Guru in the European Parliament (that will hopefully stay where it is even after the rough divorce case) while guiding a meditation, seated next to MEPs wearing yoga T-shirts instead of business shirts – is surreal.

The world recognises the need to embetter the quality of life, by practising ancient disease-prevention techniques, and by meditating?

I cannot hide my surprise. At that also impossibly proud of being a part of that noble movement.

GORDANA

In a ThetaHealing process I saw how I looked to others while being a small child, the same people probably see me with the same eyes even today, worried about me.

When I was a child, I was not hyperactive, just a little more playful than other kids and a little bit unusually proactive. I was constantly occupied, and had lots of projects I was working on. The most unusual thing (for me) was that no one  could really grasp what it was that i was doing and what sense it really makes. The material results of my projects were somewhat confusing, one could not have said it was straightforward artistic creativity. It was not so clear. For me it seemed like logical creativity. What I cherished the most was that what I did had a meaning and a purpose.

To this day. People often cannot understand the logics behind what I engage in, and fear I am directing all this force and energy that only keeps growing with age, in the ‘right direction’.

For me, the only important thing is that I feel sure about what I do, and to feel it has a purpose. That there is a task I am dedicated to (no matter who is putting the task, it is anyhow me who chooses the task at hand) and that I can FEEL that this is the most important thing I need to do now. I keep saying how I might be wrong about what I am claiming, but to be very honest, I believe I cannot be more right about things. 

Is it being closed to criticism, is it bigotry, selfishness, egotism? I could not care less. At least I am coherent, honest and move with resoluteness, and not to forget – brutally intuitive.

I am starting to respect myself. Every day I am learning how to value my qualities and skills, and at the same time be humble and dear (you might not think that seeing the statements form this particular text). I am really cool to myself. It seems to be like a natural process of coming out of a long-term self-pity phase, as well as confirming my incompetence and worthlessness. Now I am rediscovering these values, that have also developed through the years. And they have developed exactly because of that insatiable drive to do what I feel has meaning for me. And that is yet another praise-worth quality.

As a prophet, I keep telling myself how one day I shall be known to many and have more than I need in the material sense. I do understand that this ‘drive’ might only be a phantom taking me towards emotional growth, where I realise I always had everything I needed, I have and will have. Now, I am not quite there yet. For now I keep going to what I think I should have, and not being depressingly unsatisfied with what I do have (that phase is just behind me).

DIGITALNI

A small scene came into play while I was waiting for a train. I met two Mexicans and took them where they needed to go in order to change trains. We shorty spoke, and a man came towards us. Hearing we spoke English, he approached asking us for a tissue for his son’s running nose from an allergy. We all found ourselves in the middle of an at least two-minute discussion whether he should take the entire packet. He kept defending himself from the offered gift, saying it is not necessary, and how we might need it as well. What I found especially interesting is how the man was uncomfortable to begin with. At the small station, my dearest Appenweier, a station in the middle of nowhere without a bathroom or kiosk or anything really. Last summer someone installed a coffee stand but it seems to have not went well, as it did not happen this year. Anyhow, the gentleman in question had no other choice but to ask for what he needed and he did after hearing a familiar language being spoken. He was very uncomfortable for having to ask.

The human touch, figuratively, not literally, has become so rare today that is surprises and confuses us. I guess my perspective is even more extreme as the place I am staying (a tiny village in the middle of what might be the richest and most traditional part of Germany), but nevertheless I think that the non-communication trend is one of the world today. We speak less to people around us, we trust Google more than people to show us the right direction. We think we need to take care of everything ourselves, to avoid being dependent of others. Which is so funny, as behind every app there are teams of people looking into what people need and taking care of their needs in the best possible way.

CHANGE

An unusual set of changes keep coming up these days. From day to day it seems I feel different. I am waiting for another day or to to land. Everything is becoming so real and tangible and yet, like the deepest of sleeps. A deep experience of change that I cannot completely understand, but will surely be telling you about.

On the outside all seems as usual. Maybe even unusually ordinary. A flirt, singing and work is the current turning wheel. And not to forget, quite some ThetaHealing. Today an old friend was in touch and I helped him heal, instantaneously. That is a beautiful feeling. Not that ‘I’ have healed him, but that I am empty enough of my own disturbances that I could allow to be a witness of the universe doing what it needs to do and go where it wishes to without being blockage.

Healing. Guruji say the definition of health is not only the absence of disease, yet the overall harmony of body and spirit.

Do you know what it feels like to be completely and utterly healthy?

Would you like to recognise and know how to appreciate health?

If yes, say ‘Yes’ out loud and feel the change.