Some would say there is more time during the COVID-19 lockdown. Not sure, really. Life suddenly became something closer to a prolonged summer holiday, for a bit there. You know how, at the very beginning of your holidays, it takes time for your mind, your body to adjust. Both buzzing from: 1. stress you are trying to leave behind and 2. excitement you are feeling about going for a holiday? The first few hours/days, you need to adjust to the slower daily rhythm, to the long hours of lying on the beach and the slowness that is naturally induced by the almighty scorching sunshine. And then you get used to it.

Everything starts moving as if in slow motion. Only, a prolonged summer holiday becomes a sort of torture after some time, because I think not one person in this world can be so lazy not to do anything at all – for long. Then the transformation starts coming in. Cooking, baking, sowing, knitting, biking, calling friends… In this situation, with no possibility of any kind of prediction for even tomorrow – we are just stuck with the now. Amazing. The whole world forced to be in the present moment.

Everyone fully living their family and life situation. With little possibility of running away from where they found themselves.

I will not philosophise about the lockdown. I think you had more than enough time and have seen too many chain messages about how the lockdown is good, and how it is bad. It was intense for a bit there, then it just became another current reality and everything inside went to normal, more or less.

What has been going on with me? A lot, I guess. In short: FAMILY; FOOD; LIFE. In that order. My little family. My partner, his kid and me. Us. We. Little family. Family. Who would say there is so much satisfaction in a little family? So much beauty and so much love. And so many weird things.

My life, since October, has just flipped over into another dimension. I think of my life from less than a year ago, and do not know who that person was. My desires, priorities, goals, life path – everything has changed. Then this ‘nothing short of a WW3’ happened. Everything changed again.

Nature squeezed me out twice. Firstly, the changes arrived with my body’s red alert system turning on. Secondly, COVID-19. 911 situation, again.

Before October, I thought I had a choice. That I had been making choices. To be honest, it was tougher to think I had a choice. It is easier to accept that you do not. It’s much more appeasing.

A couple of months ago, just before the lockdown, I met people I have not met for 10-11 years. Another world, another life. I literally went down memory lane for 2 hours or so. I liked having the gap. I liked how the level of closeness that was long ago established, was exactly the same. Like time had not passed. Yet, faces, styles, life-stories differed. I felt proud of everyone. How they grew. I felt a little proud of myself as well. Older=smarter? Maybe a tiny bit more mature – or? Not? Haha.

Did I tell you how I met my young friend, my partner’s daughter on the bus? A funny story, really. One of the many little miracles that life serves us with daily. It was some months ago. I really wanted to meet her. But somehow there was never a right moment for either of us. I remember that day; how could I forget? I felt as though guided by an invisible force. I did things I would normally have done differently. I saw myself doing them and at the back of my mind I was a little surprised, but that was not enough to stop me from proceeding with the strange decisions.

I got a call that day, that I would normally not have answered. At least not then. Someone was calling, and my mind was telling me: no need to answer, take the call later. My actions differred and after the phone having rung for a long while, I picked up. I thought: why did I pick up? The person asked me to meet her and kind of guided me into accepting a meeting at a time I would have rather not arranged it. Soon after I had to take a bus to go to the city.

There were two buses at the bus stop. The first one was insanely packed. Normally, I would have got on the second bus. Normally. If I actually followed my usual pattern. But I didn’t. I somehow squeezed into that packed bus, for no apparent reason. I actually felt nauseous on the bus. After a few stops, the bus emptied out, and I felt like walking down the bus. I was listening to music, loud music. I didn’t really notice people in particular. Then I raised my head off the floor a little. I saw a familiar face. I realised I knew the familiar face very well. I have seen it, observed it closely – in photos.

My first thought was: “She doesn’t know who I am” and then she lifted her gaze and looked me straight in the eyes. I could see she had recognised me. I thought for a millisecond there: she doesn’t know who I am. But she knew me. And I knew her. So, I said: Hello. And she said: Hello. I said: I recognised you from the pictures. She said: I recognised you from the pictures. Hello! Hello.

That is how nature wished us to meet. I am so grateful for it. There could not have been a more fun, more natural way for us to meet the first time, out of all the possible scenarios me and Mr. Partner planned for.

Mr. Partner. Wow. It’s been a while since I was in a serious relationship. Can I even really count the ones that happened app. 15 years ago? Have I ever?

What can I say? Everything I wanted and more. Everything I didn’t want and more. Man, do I understand now what Guru was talking about when he said that love and pain go hand in hand. I know I can come across as insane. But! I am just very sensitive and emotional. And I can also get angry, and upset. Now I can see all of my insanity neatly packed in a big mirror in front of me, in the form of my partner.

I think he’s amazing. Very gentle. Smart. Resourceful. Super handsome. There are not enough words to compliment his amazingness. At times, I feel like he just fell from the sky into my lap, truly like a gift from God. I feel this life is very different from my previous one. Would I want to exchange this one for that one? No way. Do I miss some aspects of that life? Sure, I do. Yet. It is what it is. Am I happy? OH MY GOD! Yes, I am.
I like this life. I like to be able to implement everything I have learned so far. I like that things are a little bit less stressful. We have challenges. Of course, we do. BUT. Man, are things better now in my crazy mind. Oh yes, they are.

Whatever is up, it gets so intense at times. And at other times, everything seems just like a faraway dream.

These days are the intense ones. Work is intense, family is intense, friends are going through intense times. Someone said I was intense? Boy, I’m nothing compared to the world out there. I am a mild tabasco sauce. Not even.

The sun is nice though. The sea and the mountains look lovely at sunset. Better to get less hugs than you expect, rather than no hugs at all. The pain is sweet.