Time to return to the black on white.

1 I am experiencing burnout.
2 Too many close people to me have died or are unwell.
3 I am dog sitting.
4 The guru heals.

1 What does burnout look like?

It varies for different people. It’s like constantly pushing yourself, feeling completely off, realising your health is deteriorating, being unable to think clearly, and becoming aggressive or passive or both simultaneously. And not being able to put a stop to it.

I have recently emerged from an 18-year astrological period, known as Rahu (for those familiar with astrology). Most recently, the ending periods of Rahu-Moon and Rahu-Mars. I was told these periods would be challenging, but what’s truly difficult is having gone through all that hardship and now having to bear the consequences. I literally “woke up” the day I entered the next significant (16-year) period of Jupiter. The realisation of how much I have exhausted my mind, body, emotions, and soul has dawned on me.

As Gurudev says, once you hit the brakes, it takes some time to get the vehicle to come to a halt. I am bracing for the final coming-to-a-stop moment.

My burnout was accompanied by an inflamed occipital nerve, most probably triggered by the nerve’s compression in the neck, as well as exposure to heat and then cold wind (Yes! A breeze can be dangerous). Very interestingly, every time I saw a request of any sort on my screen, the nerve would break out into searing pain throughout my head. I tried to ignore it. Then I tried to numb it out with painkillers and still continued to be active. Eventually, there was nothing more I could do but rest. Do nothing much. Take a break.

It was tough, really. The brakes are still squeaking, and I am not able to get to a complete stop. I’m getting there, and I am really beautifully supported by my environment at home, work, and my spiritual family. I feel supported.

2 People die all the time.

Yes, people die every second and are born every second or less. When someone dear passes away, something is pierced inside. A huge hole is created. As the expression goes, only time will heal. Ever since my father passed away, I have been handling other people’s death as a much greater burden.

I have also realised the importance of support for those who have lost a loved one, a dear and near one. I have lost two people in the last few weeks, and one is still in an unknown state, unchanged. This has and will continue to keep me aware of the shortness of our time here on earth, of how there is no moment like the present.

Yet, nothing seems to ease the pain, other than the passage of time. In that time, there are unbearable moments, and then they become bearable again. The awareness of those not with us anymore is almost constant. I have been actively aware of the ease of our life ending. Constantly. It gives me pain, and I know this pain is only human and quite unreasonable, yet it is real.

I say unreasonable because I believe that people’s souls are freed from life in the body. I have myself, in unusual circumstances, had the experience of feeling restricted by my own body. I am guessing people who have bodily impediments can speak the most on this.

I do feel supported on my life journey.

Krishna explains to Arjuna that death is inevitable for all living beings and that the soul is eternal and indestructible.

3 Cute little doggies.

I have had a new experience in my life. I was asked to take care of a puppy for a few days and have the experience of dog minding in my daily life. As I found it exhausting, I have also found it mesmerising. I have never had a dog in my life and had a faint wish that I would like to have one someday, but I have not fully understood all the fuss about having a dog.

After spending 2 weeks with a 3-month super intelligent and kind baby dog, I fell in love. (I fell in love after the 2nd day). I have grown to care about the pup and have found it very difficult to part from it.

I have been mulling over the pros and cons of having a dog for 2 months now and still have not fully been able to make a final decision. I have made a 50% decision and am waiting for the next 50% to find its own way to me. I have a pup in mind, but I also have a little more time to make it final. A big responsibility, a huge reward.

Whatever I decide, I feel supported.

4 The guru heals.

Going back to square 1. After going on sick leave, dog minding, and then taking some rest, all this has been too short of a time to come back to normal. What is normal anyhow? Normal would be not feeling overly exhausted, challenged, angry, sad… Not feeling overly anything. I travelled 1,400km in a day (by car and plane) to see my dear Guru for a day and a half. Halfway there, I wondered, is this complete insanity? Why, in the middle of a burnout, would I travel 1,400km to see someone?

The answer came. I spent a day and a half resting and spending time in meditation and in His presence. On the second day, I felt rested and refreshed, like I have not been in months. I had an enormous amount of energy, and the ability to tackle challenges came back to some extent. I will have to continue to heal, rest, and balance my work-rest libra.

This is the best possible start I could have had. If you have the opportunity, and even if you don’t – make one, to come and see him at least once in your lifetime. Experiencing the presence of an enlightened living Master is rare and unusual in every period. Don’t miss this one; it might take a while until another like him walks this earth.

With Him, I feel supported, by nature, by God.
______________________________________________________________

HRVATSKI PRIJEVOD 

Vrijeme je za povratak crnog na bijelo.

1 Iscrpljenost.
2 Previše dragih ljudi je umrlo ili se ne oporavlja.
3 Čuvanje psa.
4 Guru iscjeljuje.

1 Kako izgleda prevelika iscrpljenost?

Različito kod različitih ljudi. To je poput konstantnog guranja sebe, osjećaja potpune neravnoteže, shvaćanja da ti se zdravlje pogoršava, nemogućnosti jasnog razmišljanja. Ponašanje koje postaje agresivno ili pasivno, ili oboje istovremeno. I nemogućnosti zaustavljanja.

Nedavno sam izašla iz 18-godišnjeg astrološkog razdoblja poznatog kao Rahu (za one upućene u astrologiju). Posljednji dio tog razdoblja bilo je Rahu-Mjesec i Rahu-Mars. Rečeno mi je da će ta razdoblja biti izazovna, ali ono što je zaista teško je proći kroz sve te teškoće i sada snositi posljedice. Doslovno sam se “probudila” onog dana kada sam ušla u sljedeće značajno (16-godišnje) razdoblje Jupitera. Shvatila sam koliko sam iscrpila svoj um, tijelo, emocije i dušu.

Kao što Gurudev kaže, kada pritisnete kočnicu, treba neko vrijeme da vozilo zaustavi. Pripremam se za konačni trenutak zaustavljanja.

Mojoj iscrpljenosti pridružuje se upaljeni okcipitalni živac, najvjerojatnije izazvan kompresijom živca u vratu, kao i izlaganjem toplini, a zatim hladnom vjetru (da! i propuh može biti opasan). Vrlo zanimljivo, svaki put kad bih vidjela bilo kakav zahtjev na svom ekranu, bol živca bi mi sijevnula po cijeloj glavi. Pokušala sam to ignorirati. Zatim sam pokušala to otupiti analgeticima i i dalje bila aktivna. Na kraju, nije mi preostalo ništa drugo nego odmoriti se. Ne raditi puno. Napraviti pauzu.

Bilo je teško, stvarno teško. Kočnice još uvijek škripe i nisam u mogućnosti potpuno stati. Približavam se tome, i zaista imam predivnu podršku svoje okoline kod kuće, na poslu i od svoje duhovne obitelji.

Osjećam se podržano.

2 Ljudi umiru cijelo vrijeme.

Da, ljudi umiru svake sekunde, a svake sekunde ili manje se rađaju. Kada draga osoba premine, nešto se dogodi unutar nas. Stvara se velika praznina. Kao što kaže izreka, samo vrijeme liječi. Otkako je tata preminuo, smrt drugih ljudi doživljavam kao još veći teret.

Shvatila sam i važnost podrške za one koji su izgubili voljenu osobu, dragu i blisku. U posljednjih nekoliko tjedana izgubila sam dvije osobe, a jedna se još uvijek nalazi u nepromijenjenom stanju. To me čini svjesnom kratkoće našeg vremena ovdje na Zemlji, kako nema trenutka poput sadašnjeg.

Ipak, ništa ne čini bol manjom osim prolaska vremena. U tom vremenu postoje trenuci koje je teško podnijeti, a zatim postaju podnošljivi. Svjesnost o onima koji više nisu s nama gotovo je konstantna. Aktivno sam svjesna koliko je naš život krhak. Konstantno. To mi stvara bol, i znam da je ta bol samo ljudska i prilično nerazumna, ali je stvarna.

Kažem nerazumna jer vjerujem da se duše oslobađaju tijela nakon smrti. Sama sam, u neobičnim okolnostima, imala iskustvo osjećaja ograničenosti vlastitim tijelom. Pretpostavljam da ljudi koji imaju tjelesne poteškoće mogu najbolje govoriti o tome.

Unatoč svemu, osjećam se podržano.

Krishna objašnjava Arjuni da je smrt neizbježna za sva živa bića i da je duša vječna i neuništiva.

3 Slatki psići.

Imam novo iskustvo u svom životu. Zamoljena sam da se brinem o štencu nekoliko dana i da iskusim brigu o psu u svojoj svakodnevici. Istovremeno mi je bilo iscrpljujuće, a istovremeno sam bila očarana. Nikada nisam imala psa u životu i imala sam želju da ga jednog dana imam. Nisam u potpunosti razumjela uzbuđenje drugih oko posjedovanja pasa.

Nakon što sam provela 2 tjedna s 3-mjeseca starim, izuzetno inteligentnim i ljubaznim štencem, zaljubila sam se. (Zaljubila sam se nakon 2. dana). Počela sam brinuti o štencu i jako mi je bilo teško rastati se od njega.

Već 2 mjeseca razmišljam o prednostima i nedostacima posjedovanja psa, ali još nisam donijela konačnu odluku. Donijela sam 50% odluke i čekam da idućih 50% nađe svoj put do mene. Imam štene na umu, ali još imam malo vremena da to konačno odlučim. Velika odgovornost, velika nagrada.

Štogod odlučim, ili bude odlučeno za mene, osjećam se podržano.

4 Guru iscjeljuje.

Povratak na početak. Nakon bolovanja, brige o psu i odmora, sve to je bilo prekratko vrijeme da se vratim u normalu. Što je uopće normalno? Normalno bi bilo ne osjećati se prekomjerno iscrpljeno, izazvano, ljuto, tužno… Ne osjećati ništa prekomjerno. Putovala sam 1.400 km u jednom danu (autom i avionom) kako bih vidjela svog dragog Gurua na dan i pol. Na pola puta sam se zapitala, je li ovo potpuno ludilo? Zašto bih usred perioda iscrpljenosti putovala 1.400 km da bih vidjela nekog?

Odgovor je došao. Provela sam dan i pol odmarajući se, provodeći vrijeme u meditaciji i u Njegovoj prisutnosti. Drugog dana osjećala sam se odmorno i osvježeno, kako da nisam bila mjesecima. Imala sam ogromnu količinu energije, a sposobnost suočavanja s izazovima se djelomično vratila. Naravno, morat ću nastaviti s iscijeljivanjem, odmorom i ravnotežom između posla i odmora.

Ovo je najbolji mogući način da započnem put odmora i iscjeljenja. Ako imate priliku, i čak i ako je nemate – stvorite je, dođite i upoznajte ga barem jednom u životu. Iskusiti prisutnost prosvijetljenog živućeg Učitelja je rijetko i neobično u svakom periodu. Ne propusti ovu priliku, možda će proći dugo vremena dok netko kao On kroči ovom zemljom.

Najviše se osjećam podržano kad sam s Njim, od prirode, od boga.